Lists Lists Lists!

When it comes to labour planning, pregnancy management and baby rearing, there is no end to To-Do lists that one ends p making. Here are some important lists that come in handy when planning for your baby's arrival, in the Indian context. Thanks to all my friends for helping me put this together!

Stuff to carry to the hospital:

Mom
1 Paperwork: medical/insurance
2 Books (What to expect, others), notepad, pen
3 purse with wallet etc, Cell phone, charger
4 going home outfit, feeding pillow
5 disposable panties, nursing bras, sanitary pad
6 toiletries, towels, bathroom slippers
7 Water, medicines, candies


BABY
1 Baby book – record firsts
2 baby care pack, sanitizer
3 bottles and brush
4 Diapers and disposer bags
5 Towel set, pillow, burp cloth
6 jhablas, mittens, socks, cap
7 plastic sheet, bed sheet, wrapping sheet, blanket
8 comb, nail cutter, scissors, medicines

Stuff to buy for the baby:

Baby big stuff:

Tub, Pram, 1 set bedding

Cot+mobile with lights/music

breast pump n sterilizer

Baby carrier/sling

Car seat/bassinet

Car diaper bag, diaper bag

water proof bed-spread 

baby net, Baby monitor

bathing chair

feeding bottles, brush

Baby small stuff

face and hand towels/napkins

bibs, hand mitts, socks, blanket

burp cloths, waterproof lap covers

baby thermometer

bottles and brush

Diapers and disposer bags

Toiletries, hand sanitizer

Clothes : onesies/jhablas, cut sheets

Rattles, teethers, soothers

Bottle cover, bottle/food warmer

Bath towels, plastic sheet, bed sheet, 

wrapping sheet, sleep/body suits

comb, nail cutter, scissors

liquid cleanser, clothes softener, detergent 

Mom stuff:

Nursing nighties and bras

sanitary napkins, disposable panties

breast pads, Front open tops/kurtas,

feeding pillow and perinial cushion

Is there anything like planning a birth?

Yes there is. Of course its all destiny/in God's hand when and how the baby arrives. But it doesnt hurt for us to know what we want and communicate the same to the doctor/hospital where we intent to deliver. attaching below a sample birth plan for your benefit. Hope it helps! :)

Sample Birth Plan

Name: ABC
Husband’s Name: XYZ
Gynaecologist name: Dr JKL
Hospital: PQR

Attendants:
Who would you like to be present during labour/birth

Amenities
Any stuff you want to bring to the labour room (eg. books/music) or want from the hospital's end (eg. birthing ball)

Once admitted:
Whether you want to be mobile, eat or drink or not.

Interventions:
You opinion on labour induction, vacuum or forceps delivery

Pain Relief
whether you want any pain managing options like epidurals.

Vaginal Birth
what you think about episiotomy

C Section
who will be there, do you want to see the baby being delivered

Cord blood banking
if you are banking cord blood, mention details and procedures

After delivery
How soon do you want to feed, rooming the baby with you or in nursery, how soon can people visit you and baby, how much and how often you want to see baby in nursery/NICU, who will oversee procedures and be with baby if mother cant, do you wat someone to stay nights in your room etc.

Feeding:
specify if you want to breastfeed exclusively / partially or not at all. what you can/cant allow hospital staff to give the baby (water/formula/pacifier/sugar water), if you need any breastfeeding sessions/support

Medical Information
Whatever medical conditions you have which need to be monitored rigorously during labour, birth and afterwards.

The Hullabaloo of the Indian Pregnancy

Sometimes I wonder why is there so much hallabaloo regarding pregnancy in india???
I see such weird attitudes/reactions from WOMEN all around me:

1. Dont tell anyone you are planning: nazar lag jayegi, and you wont be able to conceive? What crap! If at all given our sex ed levels, sharing plans may help with tips, and important information.

2. If you realise you are pregnant, dont tell anyone for 3 months except family: nazar lag jayegi, you will end up miscarrying? or it will be embarrassing or sad if you tell everyone and then miscarry? Again, telling people wont affect anything, and miscarriages etc can happen after 3 months also. What then?

3. No matter how obviously pregnant you are, dont announce it to the world, put it up on social networking sites, click pictures of baby bump etc.: its bad luck? Cmon people around the world send announcement mails/postcards asap, put up baby bump pics everywhere. Nothing happens to them! If you're a private person I understand, but just to keep it all hush hush cuz we are indian is so stupid!

4. dont keep names or buy baby stuff before birth: bad luck - what if baby dies? well thats an eventuality all of us must be aware of. but why does it stop us from planning? in my opinion its dumb to run around buying stuff AFTER the baby is born: its too last moment and chaotic! buying stuff or deciding names in advance doesnt jinx pregnancy or baby. it just helps.

5. heavily pregnant women wear loose fitting clothes, or cover huge baby bumps with dupattas, as if doing this will hide the fact that they are pregnant: nazar lag jayegi? Seriously is pregnancy something to be hidden, be embarrassed about, be ashamed of? Why do u wanna hide? whats so uncomfortable in people knowing ur pregnant? that u had sex with your partner? cmon grow up!

6. baby's father/family members not allowed/wanted during birthing: its indecent, interfering. Again, ur ok with stranger doctors and nurses prying your legs apart and exposing your modesty for everyone to see when you are in labour but not allowing/wanting baby father or own mother, both of whom have seen u naked, to be there to support you (in case its a normal birth n there are no issues) is so archaic. Whats the big deal yaar?

Once the baby is born there are a million dos and donts: put nazar ka teeka, dont go out for 2 months, mom should or shouldnt eat xyz things, etc etc etc. 90% of these things have NO scientific base but we so called educated people still go on following this bullshit blindly! I personally find it very old fashioned and stupid. Wonder when we will come out of the dark ages!

Parents are Parents, not free babysitters.

While its very nice of parents to pitch in when their children have new born babies, for couples to depend entirely on their parents/in-laws to supervise and run after their little ones so that they can get back to work/enjoy a social life is unfair in my opinion.

Our parents have done their bit of running around and managing little infants/toddlers, which is anything but easy. And to make them relive that in their 60s is torture. They may still do it out of love or obligation, they may even say that they like it, dont mind it. But I think its highly selfish for us to pass the buck to them to get our own lives back.

Sure its nice to leave the kids with parents once in while for a weekend or a quick trip alone. But not every day forever. When you have kids, learn to take responsibility for them completely. Our parents managed us without pawning us off to others, we should do the same. Hire a nanny, leave them at a creche/playschool, do whatever it takes, but please dont make your parents miserable. They have a life, a routine of their own which gets affected if they are stuck at home 24x7 looking after your kids. Let them live their sunset years in peace.

Children or puppets/circus animal?

What is it with parents and their sudden urge to make a spectacle out of their kids in front of other people? I pity those poor toddlers who are made to stand in front of random strangers sometimes, so their parents/grandparents can show off their talents - "beta show aunty your eyes, nose, fingers, tongue.... give flying kiss, say hi, say namaste, say bye.." The drama goes on.

Is it a competition for the kids? "My kid knows more than other kids, is more intelligent/better?" or for the parents? "See I'm such an amazing parent I've taught my kid stuff ahead of his/her age!" What do we gain by doing this? Build confidence in the kid to face the big bad world ahead in life full of competition? Or feel good about our own parenting skills?

Honestly I don't know about how much this helps building confidence. I just see kids being hassled into learning stuff they might not even understand, and performing for every person they come across whether they feel like or not, just like circus animals. And I see highly competitive women who jealously shove their kids into other people's faces to feel superior. I just don't get the point.

Sure, one should teach the kid as much about the world around from day one, but for the benefit of the child, not for showoff. When will parents understand that this whole peer pressure, competition they worry their children will face in the future, is propagated by them only since the beginning? If only we weren't so competitive and judge everyone by certain fixed standards, our children would truly have more room to grow freely.

One child rule in India: Solution to social ills or infringement of basic human rights?

The other day I was reading about the very sad state of women and children health in India when a thought occurred to me:

What if we stop poor, starving, uneducated, unemployed, undernourished people to have children? Or at least restrict them to having one child only a la China?

Urban, educated people these days are spending more time on education, career n other life goals. Reproducing a litter is not their priority. They are more rational n meticulous about family planning n have children only if they can afford to give them a good lifestyle. Many couples are opting for single child policy. And some, no child policy.

But the poor, uneducated people continue to reproduce at a crazy rate: having children after children while they can't properly bring up even one. Educating them about small family benefits isn't working. Giving them jobs or free education isnt working. Giving their children free health n education isnt helping. Empowering women n girl children isnt helping. We are still losing 2 million children and mothers every year.

Will a drastic rule on prohibition on having children if you cant afford them work, if there was a way to successfully implement it?

I know such a rule denies one the basic right to have as many children as one wants but being allowed that isn't working either, either for the individuals or the country. Something worth thinking, no?

Prenatal Classes: getting ready to be parents!

Another thing which is in vogue these days which was virtually unheard of a few years ago, is the firang concept of Prenatal Classes. The idea is to prepare to-be parents for pregnancy, birth and thereafter, through a series of topic based group sessions. Women can come alone or get their partners along, and learn in a classroom environment, with notes, videos, discussions and exercises. Not sure about the smaller cities, but these classes have surely become very popular with people in Delhi and Mumbai.

The reaction to these classes varies from "they are the best thing to have happened to me" to "what firang non sense, just a ploy to make money by fooling people". Personally I too was in two minds when faced with the option: these classes cost anywhere between 6-10k, and one needs to make sure they are worth it before opting for them. So are they worth it? Depends on what you think about preparation for parenthood. If you are confident and of the opinion it is no big deal, parenthood has been the same over the past few decades, and you will learn everything there is to know from your family, then better not to waste money. However for couples who don't have the wisdom of parents (live away from hometown or parents cant be there during pregnancy and later), or would like to know the challenges and scenarios in the modern world as far as the many experiences and decisions of pregnancy and childbirth are concerned, should really consider taking it up. Plus taking the class ensures that the father also gets involved, which is a typical complaint of women all over the world!

So if you do decide to go for these classes, what all do you get to learn? There are many aspects of the process which are covered in various classes. There are yoga classes where they teach you exercises to do during pregnancy and after childbirth, beneficial for both baby and mother. There are Lamaze classes which help prepare mothers for birth without intervention: through massages, breathing techniques, movements and positions favouring natural birth. There are birth preparation classes which talk about nutrition during pregnancy, vaginal birth stages, cesarean birth process, breastfeeding techniques, pre and post natal changes in the body etc. There are also spiritual and hypnobirthing classes which train women to bond with their babies through the womb, and prepare for childbirth and pain without resorting to medication, through meditation etc. Depending on the time and money you can spare you can choose some or all of these classes to attend. Some institutes may offer a combination of these classes so you can get more in a single package. Typically these classes are to be attended from 2nd trimester onwards. There are standalone programs offered by institutes or individuals, and your hospital where you  register may also have some plans.

Personally I would suggest taking atleast a combination birth preparation class like Rita Shah's Nine Months Program in Mumbai. It includes exercises, breathing techniques and elaborate notes on various aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and post natal experiences. The other "fancy" stuff like hypnobirthing, bonding through the womb, etc are optional. Prenatal classes are beneficial as not only do the instructors give you a present world perspective on the latest trends of nutrition, childbirth techniques, exercises and breathing; the classes also serve as a great place to meet similar minded pregnant women one can make friends with, compare notes on pregnancy and bond over babies. Even if you choose not to take any classes, you can always pick up a CD on prenatal Yoga, like that of Lara Dutta, which includes both exercises, breathing and meditation techniques. As for the birth preparation, it is always good to keep in touch with other expecting mothers, and any family members who may be able to coach you well through your journey. At the same time, do not go googling everything on the internet: sometimes overdose of information is more harmful than useful, and can confuse or scare you. Also do not go asking advice from everyone, as again people may have conflicting opinions which may not be consistent with scientific facts. As we all know, everyone in India is a doctor and an expert on everything, and always has free advice! :)