Abortion: Pro life or Pro choice?

Abortion, or medical termination of pregnancy, is one of the most widely debated topics around the world, related to parenting. The phenomena isn't just a physical process - it is also an emotional, social, moral, legal and in many countries - a religious concept.

Around the world, most developed first world countries have judged abortion to be legal on request. In South America, Africa and parts of Asia it is illegal with exceptions for certain factors like health risks for mother/child, rape etc. Few countries in the world have formally banned abortion. But many cultures strongly discourage abortion, including birth control.

In India, under the MTP Act of 1971, abortion is allowed only for certain circumstances, like:
- risk to maternal health
- possibility of severe mental or physical disability of the child after birth
- pregnancies due to rape, in unmarried girls or lunatics, or due to contraception failure

But the biggest problem in India is gender selective abortion - aborting gild children deliberately for want of boys, due to social pressure, In the past, many a female foetus have been aborted. As a result today determining sex of foetus before birth is a punishable act for both the parents and doctors; and many doctors refuse to abort if the foetus is female.

Thankfully things aren't as bad as in some countries where abortion is considered murder and therefore is a sin or illegal, even at the cost of the mother's life. However we still aren't really pro-choice. If a woman chooses to abort for reasons other than those listed above, she is looked don upon. Yes, childbirth is a miracle and children are a gift, but ultimately it should be up to the woman to decide if she wants to give birth to and bring up a child or not, since she is most definitely the most important stakeholder, the primary caretaker.

What other reasons can a woman have to abort? Unhappy marriage or domestic issues, financial problems - to name some. Whatever be the reason to abort, if a woman thus chooses, she should be given the benefit of doubt and allowed to exercise her right to make her own choice. It is better to abort a child than to force someone not ready to have it, and be unhappy or regretful forever.

Even if we make such reasons insufficient for abortions, it does not mean abortions wont happen. Since time immemorial women have been inducing abortions whenever required. And in many cases they use unsafe surgical or medical ways to abort which lead to much more risk to their life. Better to allow them to abort in a safe and hygienic environment.

So in this debate I am definitely pro-choice. In my opinion, it is the most beneficial solution for everyone. I have a child of my own and I can imagine it is never easy for a woman to make such a decision, When she does, give her support, she needs that more than anything else!

Sex Determination: To do or not to do?

Once it was confirmed that I was pregnant and carrying a healthy single baby in my uterus, the next question that came to me was: is it a boy or a girl?

Now I come from a family which believes in two-child theory: one child is a lonely child. If you ask me, Id love to be mommy to both a boy and a girl. Since I myself am an older sister to my brother, I too prefer to have an older daughter. I personally feel older sisters have a calming effect on younger brothers, and nurture them well. While older brothers are fantastic caretakers of younger sisters too, I feel they tend to be more protective and thus end up curtailing their sisters' lives.

Apart from that, I can tell you, a part of every woman wants to have a baby girl, for the sheer pleasure of having a girl to dress up in pretty dresses, shoes, accessories and hairstyles. It's like we women like to live vicariously through our lil girls :) Plus there also goes an adage "A son is a son till wife, a daughter is a daughter for life." While different people may have different experiences with their children, I really do feel daughters are more inclined to get involved in taking care of their parents, with their physical presence if not financially, than boys. Also many people like my husband also believe girls are perfect angels as kids, while boys are little devils. Given all this, it was clear we both want a girl very strongly. Not that if we were to have a boy we would leave him back in the hospital! :P

Why does one want to know the sex of the unborn child? Well people like me just want to know because we are curious. And also so we can plan the baby shopping, as well as names accordingly. It's not a big deal, just something fun to know and prepare for! However, unfortunately, a majority of Indian people, even in urban society, hanker for the male child. And end up aborting female fetuses if they find out. Why such craze for a male child? Too many reasons: carry on the family name, financial support during old age, dowry and maid for free on marriage... While girls are just bad investment: you clothe them, feed them, educate them, marry them off - basically pay for them forever and never get any returns. Not a good business proposition. So better to get rid of them while you can, and have as many boys as possible to secure your future.

It may sound crazy but this attitude is still prevalent in today's society, even in the so called "educated" urban families. I have seen myself how the in laws get crestfallen at the birth of a girl child but celebrate with pomp and splendour when a boy arrives. Even if they do not abort or kill the baby girl when she is born, they discriminate against her when it comes to lifestyle, education and other basic amenities: brothers are always favoured over sisters when it comes to decide where to spend the money. It hurts me to see this kind of discrimination. But it is a sad fact of Indian society.

World Sex ratio is 1007 females per 1000 males, while the same for India is a dismal 940 females per 1000 males. Statistically it is seen more girls are born compared to boys. But in India, thanks to the skewed attitude, already 60 females per 1000 males are missing, primarily due to female foeticide or infanticide. And to curb this, the Indian Govt took the step of banning sex determination in India in 1994. Now no doctor across India, can convey to any patient in any way the sex of their unborn child. Of course this doesn't mean that it doesnt happen. It still does, discretely, and the sex ratio continues to suffer.

And also suffer couples like us who have no intention to murder the girl child and in fact want girl children. (Not that we would abort a boy child for a girl!). Thanks to the idiotic illiterate majority of Indians, I am unable to legally find out the sex of my baby. Which I think I have all the rights to find out if I want. People say its ok, a few suffer for the benefit of many. It is collateral damage. But I am not so sure it works. The only thing one can curb by making sex determination illegal, is female foeticide. But when you force people to have children without knowing the gender, they keep having girls one after the other for a boy, and thus compromise the life they give to so many children. It doesn't help the existing population issue in the country. And by curbing this you cannot guarantee that after the girl is born she will be allowed to live! After all there is no visibility into or ban on female infanticide. If not killed, baby girls may be brought up very poorly with bare minimum nutrition, education etc. And in some cases little girls are also sold off to human traffickers for money. Do people really think that by forcing such people to have girls, they are doing the girls a favour?

In my opinion, no. I wish the government would allow sex determination. People should have the right to know and act accordingly. Instead of having hundreds of unwanted or badly treated girls by virtue of the sex determination ban, they should work on programs for women empowerment, for mass education on benefits of having a girl, for free education and work opportunities for girls so parents don't think of them as a burden. We should look at ways to change the attitude of people rather than make life difficult.

But then who am I kidding? This is India and we are Indians and we are like this only. I honestly have no idea how long it will take until people become neutral to gender and love and care for a baby irrespective. It will be a great achievement if I see this shift in majority of India in my lifetime. Until then I'll sit and count the days until I have my little one in my lap, and find out if its a baby girl or a boy. And I will make sure that no matter what the outcome, my love, care and dedication to my child will not differ. And inculcate the same attitude in my children. After all, change always begins from home! :)