Readiness Checklist for Pregnancy

Once as a couple you have decided to go for a baby, the most important aspect of preparation is getting your body ready for conception. Though it is the woman who conceives and carries a child for 9 months, there are certain responsibilities of the man as well. Men and women should tick off the following from their to-do list before they start trying for a child:

1. Quit smoking and drinking, cut down on caffeine – consumption of alcohol and cigarettes, as well as caffeine adversely affects ability to conceive.
2. Control chronic diseases like diabetes, thyroid issues, hypertension etc. to improve your chances and avoid complications. If you’re suffering from any conditions, like UTI etc. get them cured before you start trying.
3. Achieve ideal weight in case you’re overweight – the more you lose, the more your chances increase to conceive.
4. Find a good doctor/gynaecologist, check your family and pregnancy history and scan for potential issues. Get a genetic screening done if required and update your immunizations.
5. Visit the dentist and ophthalmologist– pregnancy aggravates dental problems and some women may even experience vision changes. Best to get both eyes and teeth checked before you conceive.
6. Start eating healthy, take multivitamins and avoid any stress – a healthy lifestyle will go a long way in helping you during and post pregnancy. Chart out low sugar/salt etc. diet if you foresee chances of/ suffer from hypertension/diabetes etc.
7. Get rid of the contraceptives – throw out the pills or devices a couple of months in advance so that your body get used to its natural cycle.

Most importantly, stay positive and be patient. A happy mind leads to a healthy body, healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby. Good luck!!

(image courtesy www.freeimages.co.uk)

Tiger Mom Vs Dino Mom : Where do you stand?

A friend of mine recently shared this interesting post by a fellow blogger -

Tiger mom - to be or not to be | Blog Post by Tanu Shree Singh | two boys and a mad mum | mycity4kids

Reading the post made me smile. I've read the famous "Battle hymn of the tiger mom" book. Its a fun read and talks about one perspective of parenting. But when it comes to parenting, it's hard to say what is right and what is wrong. Parenting is highly subjective.

 




My parents were never strict with us as far as academics/sports/extra curriculars were concerned. Frankly they did not care as long as they were not getting any complaints. They did not push us unnecessarily. Our cable connection was not disconnected during exams, our parents did not make us burn the midnight oil, or push us to attend 1000 classes like sports and performing arts and tuitions.

But I guess I did not need pushing. I was a good student (never came first but was always top 5), very active in extra curriculars, the teacher's pet and popular at school. Out of my own choice I took judo, swimming, theater, dance, cooking, language and singing classes. Never really excelled in anything to make it a career, but was happy to dabble and enjoy.

I feel good that I wasn't forced to only study or pushed hard for sports etc. But I do wish, a little, that my parents pushed me harder to try to come first, to learn to play a music instrument, to hone some skill/art, and definitely be interested in sports (I'm zero in sports). I was always a chilled out girl who was more of a smart worker than a hard worker. And since I always did well at school, no one complained or bothered. I was content and so were my parents so things stayed status quo. But I feel a little pressure from them would have gone a long way into getting me to get out of my comfort zone and try harder, and God knows what I could have, would have, achieved.

I know it's not fair to blame everything on them. It sounds like it but I don't mean that. We and only we are responsible for the choices we make in life. And I never bothered to have a serious passion, which I regret very much today, but it's all my fault for being so casual and lazy.

Bottom line is.. I want to go one step ahead of my parents and encourage my children to be passionate about something and work hard on it. I would like to expose them to all options in skills/sports/academics etc, and let them choose what catches their fancy. And then be after them to not get lazy about their chosen passion. I know it sounds nasty, but at the cost of being labelled a strict/bad/dominating/hitler mom by my peers or family, this is one thing that I have decided I will do.

Apart from of course. . My house my rules.. for 18 years my kids HAVE to live by my rules. Which means I decide schedules and permissions and possessions etc. If its acceptable well and good, if not you are free to leave. My mom was a strict mom who didn't coochie coo us at all. While I may be a little more affectionate towards my kids, I'm gonna be a strict disciplinarian for sure, the bad cop. And I don't mind. I think it's required. One has limited control over children, especially these days. You have only a few years to mould them into responsible, disciplined individuals. Once they grow up they're on their own, forever.

So I guess I'm neither a proper Tiger mom nor a Dino mom, but somewhere in the middle, maybe leaning towards Dino mom :-)

Tackling the bottle: Tips for bottle feeding babies

Breast is by far the best food for your baby. But for whatever reasons if and when you shift partially or fully to formula feeding, one of the most popular ways to feed formula is through a feeding bottle. Once you have chosen to introduce bottle feeding, you should get some bottle feeding basics right, so that you and your baby become comfortable with the whole process.

Choosing a bottle and nipple: 
From glass to plastic, there are a number of materials and brand option in the market today.  Choose a material you can afford and maintain hassle free. Bottles are long lasting and you can easily use them for 3-6 months depending on the care. Nipples need to be changed at least every 3 months, not just for size but also hygiene.

Maintenance and storage:
Bottles and nipples need to be cleaned with a baby stuff cleanser and brush every day, and sterilized before every use for best results. For sterilization, you can use an electric or microwave sterilizer, sterilizing liquid/tablets or boil in water traditionally, though that may lead to yellowing of nipples/bottles. After sterilizing, you can store bottles in your room in a comfortable temperature, or in the fridge.

Tips for bottle-feeding:

1. Try to give warm milk instead of room temp or cold – babies prefer warm to cold. At the same time don’t get them too used to it that they don’t drink until its warm – could be a problem when travelling.

2. Don’t let the baby sleep while feeding; keep tickling them to wake them up. Also, keep tapping the bottle on the side or bottom and keep rotating the bottle every now and then to remind the baby to drink.

3. Choose the flow of the nipple as per age and comfort with feeding speed of the baby. Sometimes when a baby doesn’t feed for too long and therefore doesn’t get enough nutrition, choosing a faster flow nipple helps.

4. Like the breast, a bottle nipple also should also be completely in the baby’s mouth. Ensure that to maintain a steady feeding rate. However, keep removing the nipple every now and then to tackle vacuum build-up.

5. Raise the head slightly for easy feeding, especially for babies less than 4 months/those who don’t have neck control yet.

6. Always prepare more formula than the baby’s regular amount. If s/he finishes and wants more, you will waste time making again but by then their hunger will be gone.

7. Talk or sing to the baby, encourage and appreciate him/her while feeding so they feel good about feeding and feed well instead of throwing tantrums or being fussy.

8. Burp the baby well enough so that s/he doesn't feel unwell or gassy, and refuses to feed due to that. Make the baby do gas relieving exercises and in worst cases, use colic medication as per your pediatricians advice.

9. You can feed expressed breast milk through bottles as well. Just ensure you refrigerate the milk if you want to store, and use within 24 hours. You can also freeze breast milk for longer storage. You can milk breast milk and formula, but if the baby doesn't finish the feed, remember the leftover breast milk goes waste.

Always listen to what your baby needs. Go with the flow. Keep the basics and tips in mind and you will definitely have a smooth sailing feeding experience!

The formula of feeding formula!

In the olden times, when a mother couldn't or didn't want to feed, she had the option of wet nurses, mothers who were employed to feed others’ babies. With changing times, feeding options for mothers have changed as well. Today the most popular, safe and nutritious alternative to breastfeeding is formula.

There is no doubt, that in the first 6 months, breast-milk is the best for a baby.  WHO recommends exclusively breastfeeding a baby till 6 months and then continuing as a supplement until 2 years or more if desirable. However, there can be a number of reasons why a mother shifts to formula, partially or fully. The inability to feed from mother’s or baby’s side, mother or baby not together for a long period of time, mother wanting to wean baby early due to work or other commitments, etc. Whatever be the reason, today a mother need not worry about her child’s health and nutrition, thanks to formula.

So where do you begin?

Choosing, storing, preparing formula:
There are a variety of formula brands available in India. Your pediatrician, friends and family can help you choose a good option. Sometimes a particular brand doesn't suit the baby, so keep your options open. Finalize a brand based on suitability, budget, availability etc.
Once you buy a box, remember to keep it sealed in an airtight container, and use the contents before expiry date. If you use formula sparingly, donate partially used formula to mothers who can’t afford it or a puppy/kitten shelter before expiry.
Always remember to follow the formula preparation instructions properly when making it, to avoid over/under nutrition and/or infection. Also some formula brands have probiotics which die if exposed to very high temperatures, so be careful to use only lukewarm water and never cook prepared formula. Remember – use formula within half an hour of preparation and discard any leftover formula immediately.

Choosing a feeding medium:  
There are a number of ways in which you can feed your baby. Most parents choose a bottle, but one can also opt for spoon or palada. Choose an option that is best suited to your and baby’s comfort. It is easier to shift to sippy cup/ tumbler feeding when using a spoon/palada¸ but bottle is fine as well. However it is suggested to get your child weaned off from bottles by age 1 to avoid teething and other problems.

Benefits of formula feeding:
• other family members like father, siblings, relatives can be involved in feeding process
• formula fed babies are fuller, and sleep longer especially at nights
• intake can be easily monitored and mother isn’t tied down 24x7
• no interference in dietary, birth control and clothing choices

If you go the formula way in a proper hygienic manner, there is no reason your child won’t be as healthy, happy and satisfied as a breastfed baby. Whether the reason to choose formula was voluntary or involuntary, never feel guilty or depressed: you are in no way second class to women who choose to and are able to breastfeed their children. You are an amazing mother who knows what is best for her baby, and your

baby will love you just as much!

Detachment Parenting : More sensible parenting?

So we all have heard about the concept of Attachment Parenting (AP) and all its benefits. and I'm sure it works wonders in forging that amazing bond with your bub which wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

But hang on there AP followers, you got tough competition from the latest kids on the block - the Detachment Parenting (DP) followers! Now DP and AP are as different as chalk and cheese. But does that also mean that one way is "better" than the other?

In my honest opinion, it is relative. Depends on the upbringing of the parent. Let me give you my example. I had the mother of all DP moms - she never went coochie coo with us, did not tolerate crying even if we fell down and hurt ourselves, and NEVER gave in to our tantrums since the day we were born. I often wondered if she were a reincarnation of Hitler himself. The irony was, her name was a synonym for "maternal love", which according to me was a total misnomer. I found her detachment and lack of emotion quite disappointing, and promised myself I would never be like that.

And then I grew up. And saw the wisdom in her parenting style. We kids learnt to take care of ourselves, ourselves. We fought our own battles. We never came crying to mommy. We were responsible for our own academic and extra curricular performance, with neither blind support nor undue pressure from her. We were told what was fire, but in case we still chose to burn ourselves, we were allowed to make mistakes, but also be responsible for our decisions. We were independent at a young age, and capable of taking care of everything around teh house and outside, sooner than many kids.

(Of course after we grew up and left home, my mother had melted like wax and she compensated for her earlier strict behaviour by being over senti and coochi coo.) But anyway, the point is.. DP has its benefits. Did I not miss my mother's hugs and kisses? I did. Will I not hug and kiss my baby? Perhaps I would, more than my mother did. But one must know where to draw the line.

Ever since my baby was born, she has slept in her own bed. This gives me my comfort, space and privacy with my husband in bed. I play with her during the day, but when I'm busy with work, I'm busy - she has been taught to play on her own. I do have my bonding time with her everyday when I bathe and massage her on my own, but others (husband/family/friends) play an active role in feeding her etc so she isnt stuck to me. I rarely rock her in my arms when she has to sleep... she self soothes to sleep mostly. even if she is crying, I do not rush to her immediately - I know mostly she is just testing me for attention. I love being with her but every week I take a day out to do my own thing with my friends, sans the baby - without feeling any guilt.

Going forward, she will be shifted into her own room and bed when baby no 2 arrives in the next 2-3 years. My kids will sleep, eat, play independently. Of course I will be with them every step of the way. However I will not forge their paths for them, but let them find a way on their own.

Most importantly I will not take them everywhere I go - especially to movie halls/theatres/auditoriums/ fine dining restaurants etc. There are some places kids should just not be allowed to enter. I have always hated unruly kids screaming while I'm trying to watch a movie or have a quiet dinner with husband. If your kids cant sit at one place then don't take them out to such places where not only your experience is disturbed but others suffer too. Take them to a noisy Mc Donalds' or just keep them at home!

All of this may come as quite a shock to my fellow Indians, as we are a country full of over senti and attached parents. I know of many people who are adults and still sleep with their parents! Of men who are mollycoddled to death by their mothers and cant function on their own. Of women who forget to be wives and friends and WOMEN, just because they have become mothers.

I am all for love and bonding and affection. And even though AP is not my style, I respect those who follow it. But I'd rather stay away, and embrace DP. It may sound selfish, but for me, it is the more sensible and practical thing to do. And I'm sure my kids will love me to bits just as much, just like I love my mom :)

Lists Lists Lists!

When it comes to labour planning, pregnancy management and baby rearing, there is no end to To-Do lists that one ends p making. Here are some important lists that come in handy when planning for your baby's arrival, in the Indian context. Thanks to all my friends for helping me put this together!

Stuff to carry to the hospital:

Mom
1 Paperwork: medical/insurance
2 Books (What to expect, others), notepad, pen
3 purse with wallet etc, Cell phone, charger
4 going home outfit, feeding pillow
5 disposable panties, nursing bras, sanitary pad
6 toiletries, towels, bathroom slippers
7 Water, medicines, candies


BABY
1 Baby book – record firsts
2 baby care pack, sanitizer
3 bottles and brush
4 Diapers and disposer bags
5 Towel set, pillow, burp cloth
6 jhablas, mittens, socks, cap
7 plastic sheet, bed sheet, wrapping sheet, blanket
8 comb, nail cutter, scissors, medicines

Stuff to buy for the baby:

Baby big stuff:

Tub, Pram, 1 set bedding

Cot+mobile with lights/music

breast pump n sterilizer

Baby carrier/sling

Car seat/bassinet

Car diaper bag, diaper bag

water proof bed-spread 

baby net, Baby monitor

bathing chair

feeding bottles, brush

Baby small stuff

face and hand towels/napkins

bibs, hand mitts, socks, blanket

burp cloths, waterproof lap covers

baby thermometer

bottles and brush

Diapers and disposer bags

Toiletries, hand sanitizer

Clothes : onesies/jhablas, cut sheets

Rattles, teethers, soothers

Bottle cover, bottle/food warmer

Bath towels, plastic sheet, bed sheet, 

wrapping sheet, sleep/body suits

comb, nail cutter, scissors

liquid cleanser, clothes softener, detergent 

Mom stuff:

Nursing nighties and bras

sanitary napkins, disposable panties

breast pads, Front open tops/kurtas,

feeding pillow and perinial cushion

Is there anything like planning a birth?

Yes there is. Of course its all destiny/in God's hand when and how the baby arrives. But it doesnt hurt for us to know what we want and communicate the same to the doctor/hospital where we intent to deliver. attaching below a sample birth plan for your benefit. Hope it helps! :)

Sample Birth Plan

Name: ABC
Husband’s Name: XYZ
Gynaecologist name: Dr JKL
Hospital: PQR

Attendants:
Who would you like to be present during labour/birth

Amenities
Any stuff you want to bring to the labour room (eg. books/music) or want from the hospital's end (eg. birthing ball)

Once admitted:
Whether you want to be mobile, eat or drink or not.

Interventions:
You opinion on labour induction, vacuum or forceps delivery

Pain Relief
whether you want any pain managing options like epidurals.

Vaginal Birth
what you think about episiotomy

C Section
who will be there, do you want to see the baby being delivered

Cord blood banking
if you are banking cord blood, mention details and procedures

After delivery
How soon do you want to feed, rooming the baby with you or in nursery, how soon can people visit you and baby, how much and how often you want to see baby in nursery/NICU, who will oversee procedures and be with baby if mother cant, do you wat someone to stay nights in your room etc.

Feeding:
specify if you want to breastfeed exclusively / partially or not at all. what you can/cant allow hospital staff to give the baby (water/formula/pacifier/sugar water), if you need any breastfeeding sessions/support

Medical Information
Whatever medical conditions you have which need to be monitored rigorously during labour, birth and afterwards.