Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Diaper bag essentials: What to pack?

So, are you ready for your first outing with the baby? Make this exciting trip memorable, but for the right reasons. If you’re not adequately prepared, you may end up having a nightmare. Some essentials that you must carry to ensure a smooth day-out experience:


  • Diapering needs – carry enough diapers, factor in unexpected poops. Make sure you have wipes, disposable bags, diaper changing mats, rash cream etc. if you’re visiting a mall etc., look out for baby rooms – changing and feeding babies there is much easier. 
  • Breastfeeding aides – if you breastfeed, carry a cloak to cover up if you’re required to feed in public. If you express, make sure you carry pumped milk in clean containers in an icebox to maintain its shelf life. 
  • Formula needs – if your baby is formula fed, ensure you carry enough boiled and cooled water, formula and sterilised bottles. If you’re carrying fewer bottles than you might need, ensure you have means to sterilise them if required to re-use. Else buy disposable inserts. 
  • Clothes etc. – carry an extra change of clothes, or two. Carry extra napkins, bibs, burp cloths, and a blanket or wrap to cover or swaddle the baby with, if required. . A cosy baby is a happy baby. 
  • Toiletries and medication – you may want to carry baby sunscreen/moisturiser or mosquito repellent cream if going out. A few emergency medications, like nasal drops, crocin, colicaid, etc. can come in handy, and so can anti-bacterial/fungal ointments and thermometers. It may be highly improbable your child will need all this but better be prepared. 
  • Food – if your baby has started having solids, you can carry some easy to feed finger foods like carrot sticks, rotis or sandwiches, homemade cookies etc. You may also consider ready-to-eat baby food jars or cereal if there are no other alternatives. Ensure the food is packed hygienically in airtight/clean bags/boxes and leftovers are discarded immediately. For older babies remember to carry a sippy cup (if they have started using one) to keep them hydrated. 
  • Miscellaneous - It helps to carry some toy or rattle as a form of entertainment or distraction for the babies, especially when they’re ready to throw a fit. You may also want to stash a sling in there as an option if there’s space – carrying a baby in that is easier than holding him. Mommies can also store their wallets/phones or maybe a snack or two in the spacious pockets. 
It might take a few tries but soon enough you will be a pro at packing the perfect diaper bag for you and your baby!

(image courtesy www.freeimages.co.uk)

Dealing with infertility

Whenever you plan to have a baby, it comes with a lot of emotion. Before you are even pregnant you might have already started thinking of decorating the baby room, finalising names, thinking of your life ahead with the little one… and it is disappointing when you realise you haven’t become pregnant the first time you tried. 




Most people, even perfectly healthy ones, can take up to a year to get pregnant. But there is a good chance you already know that, so you try again. And again. And again. But no good news. At this point, it’s a good idea to take medical help to conceive. There are a number of options available which the doctor will consider based on the results of the various tests and physical examinations of the couple, like:

  • Lifestyle modification: the female is asked to get her weight in check - for every kg lost, the chances of conception increase dramatically 
  • Fertility drugs: women typically take prescribed medicines for 5 days starting from the 3rd day of the menstrual cycle. Even men may be prescribed supplements for increasing the mobility and production of sperms if the need be 
  • Removal of tubal blockage: Fallopian tubal blockage can be diagnosed by methods like using dye or saline water injections. Laparoscopy is done to remove blockage if any 
  • Follicle Egg Monitoring: The monitoring is done via ultrasound to ensure ovulation and intercourse are timed correctly 
But every now and then there are cases of people who are perfectly ok but still can’t conceive. In such cases, many couples opt for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). IVF is a treatment for fertility where eggs and sperms are extracted from a couple’s bodies, fertilised in a laboratory, and reinserted in the uterus for maturing. IVF services are available through many clinics across all major cities. However, do ensure you choose a reputed fertility clinic, as assisted reproductive methods are time consuming and expensive, and lack of results can lead to further frustrations.

There are cases where IVF is not possible, desirable or affordable, or where medically it’s not possible for either partner to reproduce. In such cases there are other options, like surrogacy, artificial insemination and adoption available.

If you are going through infertility, discuss it with your partner and your doctor for choosing the right option for you. Many doctors believe that apart from medication, a stress free life is extremely critical for conception as stress can make the hormones run haywire. Therefore, simply enjoy the intimacy with your partner and don’t let the treatment become a chore.

If required, take counselling sessions to deal with your emotional trauma, exacerbated by social pressures of India, so that once you do have a baby through any method, you are healthy and happy to receive it. Remember, irrespective of whose sperm/eggs are used, or which uterus the baby matured in, the moment you have a baby, it is yours and yours alone, and you are a parent, for life. Don’t let anyone take that away from you!

(image courtesy www.freeimages.co.uk)

Friday, November 8, 2013

Tackling the bottle: Tips for bottle feeding babies

Breast is by far the best food for your baby. But for whatever reasons if and when you shift partially or fully to formula feeding, one of the most popular ways to feed formula is through a feeding bottle. Once you have chosen to introduce bottle feeding, you should get some bottle feeding basics right, so that you and your baby become comfortable with the whole process.



Choosing a bottle and nipple: 
From glass to plastic, there are a number of materials and brand option in the market today.  Choose a material you can afford and maintain hassle free. Bottles are long lasting and you can easily use them for 3-6 months depending on the care. Nipples need to be changed at least every 3 months, not just for size but also hygiene.

Maintenance and storage:
Bottles and nipples need to be cleaned with a baby stuff cleanser and brush every day, and sterilized before every use for best results. For sterilization, you can use an electric or microwave sterilizer, sterilizing liquid/tablets or boil in water traditionally, though that may lead to yellowing of nipples/bottles. After sterilizing, you can store bottles in your room in a comfortable temperature, or in the fridge.

Tips for bottle-feeding:

1. Try to give warm milk instead of room temp or cold – babies prefer warm to cold. At the same time don’t get them too used to it that they don’t drink until its warm – could be a problem when travelling.

2. Don’t let the baby sleep while feeding; keep tickling them to wake them up. Also, keep tapping the bottle on the side or bottom and keep rotating the bottle every now and then to remind the baby to drink.

3. Choose the flow of the nipple as per age and comfort with feeding speed of the baby. Sometimes when a baby doesn’t feed for too long and therefore doesn’t get enough nutrition, choosing a faster flow nipple helps.

4. Like the breast, a bottle nipple also should also be completely in the baby’s mouth. Ensure that to maintain a steady feeding rate. However, keep removing the nipple every now and then to tackle vacuum build-up.

5. Raise the head slightly for easy feeding, especially for babies less than 4 months/those who don’t have neck control yet.

6. Always prepare more formula than the baby’s regular amount. If s/he finishes and wants more, you will waste time making again but by then their hunger will be gone.

7. Talk or sing to the baby, encourage and appreciate him/her while feeding so they feel good about feeding and feed well instead of throwing tantrums or being fussy.

8. Burp the baby well enough so that s/he doesn't feel unwell or gassy, and refuses to feed due to that. Make the baby do gas relieving exercises and in worst cases, use colic medication as per your pediatricians advice.

9. You can feed expressed breast milk through bottles as well. Just ensure you refrigerate the milk if you want to store, and use within 24 hours. You can also freeze breast milk for longer storage. You can milk breast milk and formula, but if the baby doesn't finish the feed, remember the leftover breast milk goes waste.

Always listen to what your baby needs. Go with the flow. Keep the basics and tips in mind and you will definitely have a smooth sailing feeding experience!

The formula of feeding formula!

In the olden times, when a mother couldn't or didn't want to feed, she had the option of wet nurses, mothers who were employed to feed others’ babies. With changing times, feeding options for mothers have changed as well. Today the most popular, safe and nutritious alternative to breastfeeding is formula.

There is no doubt, that in the first 6 months, breast-milk is the best for a baby.  WHO recommends exclusively breastfeeding a baby till 6 months and then continuing as a supplement until 2 years or more if desirable. However, there can be a number of reasons why a mother shifts to formula, partially or fully. The inability to feed from mother’s or baby’s side, mother or baby not together for a long period of time, mother wanting to wean baby early due to work or other commitments, etc. Whatever be the reason, today a mother need not worry about her child’s health and nutrition, thanks to formula.

So where do you begin?



Choosing, storing, preparing formula:
There are a variety of formula brands available in India. Your pediatrician, friends and family can help you choose a good option. Sometimes a particular brand doesn't suit the baby, so keep your options open. Finalize a brand based on suitability, budget, availability etc.
Once you buy a box, remember to keep it sealed in an airtight container, and use the contents before expiry date. If you use formula sparingly, donate partially used formula to mothers who can’t afford it or a puppy/kitten shelter before expiry.
Always remember to follow the formula preparation instructions properly when making it, to avoid over/under nutrition and/or infection. Also some formula brands have probiotics which die if exposed to very high temperatures, so be careful to use only lukewarm water and never cook prepared formula. Remember – use formula within half an hour of preparation and discard any leftover formula immediately.

Choosing a feeding medium:  
There are a number of ways in which you can feed your baby. Most parents choose a bottle, but one can also opt for spoon or palada. Choose an option that is best suited to your and baby’s comfort. It is easier to shift to sippy cup/ tumbler feeding when using a spoon/palada¸ but bottle is fine as well. However it is suggested to get your child weaned off from bottles by age 1 to avoid teething and other problems.

Benefits of formula feeding:
other family members like father, siblings, relatives can be involved in feeding process
formula fed babies are fuller, and sleep longer especially at nights
intake can be easily monitored and mother isn’t tied down 24x7
no interference in dietary, birth control and clothing choices

If you go the formula way in a proper hygienic manner, there is no reason your child won’t be as healthy, happy and satisfied as a breastfed baby. Whether the reason to choose formula was voluntary or involuntary, never feel guilty or depressed: you are in no way second class to women who choose to and are able to breastfeed their children. You are an amazing mother who knows what is best for her baby, and your

baby will love you just as much!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Lists Lists Lists!

When it comes to labour planning, pregnancy management and baby rearing, there is no end to To-Do lists that one ends p making. Here are some important lists that come in handy when planning for your baby's arrival, in the Indian context. Thanks to all my friends for helping me put this together!

Stuff to carry to the hospital:

Mom
1 Paperwork: medical/insurance
2 Books (What to expect, others), notepad, pen
3 purse with wallet etc, Cell phone, charger
4 going home outfit, feeding pillow
5 disposable panties, nursing bras, sanitary pad
6 toiletries, towels, bathroom slippers
7 Water, medicines, candies


BABY
1 Baby book – record firsts
2 baby care pack, sanitizer
3 bottles and brush
4 Diapers and disposer bags
5 Towel set, pillow, burp cloth
6 jhablas, mittens, socks, cap
7 plastic sheet, bed sheet, wrapping sheet, blanket
8 comb, nail cutter, scissors, medicines


Stuff to buy for the baby:

Baby big stuff:

Tub, Pram, 1 set bedding
Cot+mobile with lights/music
breast pump n sterilizer
Baby carrier/sling
Car seat/bassinet
Car diaper bag, diaper bag
water proof bed-spread 
baby net, Baby monitor
bathing chair
feeding bottles, brush

Baby small stuff

face and hand towels/napkins
bibs, hand mitts, socks, blanket
burp cloths, waterproof lap covers
baby thermometer
bottles and brush
Diapers and disposer bags
Toiletries, hand sanitizer
Clothes : onesies/jhablas, cut sheets
Rattles, teethers, soothers
Bottle cover, bottle/food warmer
Bath towels, plastic sheet, bed sheet, 
wrapping sheet, sleep/body suits
comb, nail cutter, scissors
liquid cleanser, clothes softener, detergent 

Mom stuff:

Nursing nighties and bras
sanitary napkins, disposable panties
breast pads, Front open tops/kurtas,
feeding pillow and perinial cushion

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Nutrition during pregnancy : You are what you eat!

Much has been said about what should be eaten and when and how, and what not; during pregnancy. From new age ideas backed with scientific evidence, to age old dadi maa's nuskhas, there is so much to know, to follow, to be careful about. Many a times there are contrasting opinions on certain foods/drinks, or eating habits, which make a mommy-to-be very confused. I understand everyone from the doctors to the family mean well for the mothers, but following every bit of advice to the T is also not easy. Yes as a mom we want to ensure we consume the right stuff which is required and healthy for us and the baby, but sometimes we cant help but cheat on the rigorous routine to satisfy our cravings! :D




That said, planning out your meals, the content, the quantity, the timing, is very important. And there is no one template for all: every woman has different needs and reactions to food, and thus the diet should be followed accordingly. Couple of things to be kept in mind:

1. Consistent Weight gain:

It is total nonsense that once you get pregnant you need to eat for two. You need to eat only for yourself, but eat well and healthy so the baby gets all the nutrition it needs from you. Overeating especially in the first trimester will only lead to digestion issues and too much weight gain. In the first trimester ideally one gains little or no weight, in fact some even lose weight due to nausea/vomiting. In the second trimester one should put on maybe a kilo per month. Its only in the third trimester that one should pack in the pounds as by then the baby's development is complete and it's all about growing big. How much weight gain is ok? For a petite structured woman, 16-20 kgs is required. For an average weight woman, 11-16 kgs. For overweight moms, 7-11 kgs should be the aim.

2. Balanced diet as per your health:

Now as an individual you may like or dislike some foods, may or may not follow a "balanced diet". Once you get pregnant your priorities, including diet, have to change. Whether you like them or not, you would need to get your daily dose of fruits, veggies, milk, water, nuts etc. You may be advised to reduce salt intake to avoid swelling, or sugar intake to maintain baby's glucose levels. You may have to quit your favourite foods or eat/drink stuff you hate. Especially if you have a chronic condition like diabetes, hypertension etc like me, you will need to follow a strict diet to avoid any complications towards the end. Ask me, it has been difficult to manage the long list of Dos and Donts, but in the end it is all worth it. Just a matter of a few months for your baby, once its born you have more control on what you eat. More, not full, because then the advise for nursing diet starts: there is really no end to this actually! Haha!

3. Quality, Quantity, Timing:

Its very important to choose the right kind of calories to consume, in the right quantities and at the right time. All experts recommend going for six small meals rather than three big meals. So instead of your usual breakfast. lunch, dinner routine, it is better to go for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, evening snack, dinner, late night snack. Smaller quantities makes it easier for the body to digest the food, given the increasing pressure of the uterus on the stomach. Spaced out meals help with nausea, indigestion, gas/acidity etc. Equally important is to choose the right calories: substitute maida with whole wheat/multigrain bread, parathas with roti, white rice with brown rice, processed foods with fresh foods. Prefer to eat freshly cooked food and drink freshly squeezed juices over readymade, from the can/tin variety. While some doctors are against eating out at all during pregnancy, you can indulge once in a while in good food prepared hygienically in a good restaurant: given you're pregnant and not allowed medication, falling sick is not a good position to be in. Always prefer home cooked food made in minimum oil and masala to outside food.



This brings us to the next point of discussion: what are the main nutrients required, in what quantity and what foods/drinks can give them to me? Lets go one by one:

1. Calcium

Calcium as we all know is very important for the growth of the baby's bone structure. So even if you take enough calcium in your diet, your doctor will still make you have supplements. During pregnancy a minimum of 1200 mg of calcium is required, even more if you have an existing deficiency. Along with Calcium its also important to consume Vitamin D3 as it helps in the absorption of the same. Top sources for Calcium are all milk and milk products. Other sources include seeds like pumpkin, flaxseeds; beans like channa and rajma; almonds, oranges, bananas in fruits and nuts; in vegetables methi and drumsticks. Those who have lactose intolerance can go for home made curd, paneer, buttermilk; and soya milk.

2. Iron

Iron and folic acid are again the most important nutrients that a pregnant woman must consume. Pregnant women need a healthy hemoglobin level to sustain themselves during pregnancy  and a steady supply of folic acid ensures there are no neuro tube defects in the baby. In addition, DHA vitamins help with baby's brain development. Again no matter how healthy you are and how much of all this you get in your diet, your doctor will insist on a supplemental pill to fulfil your requirements. Apart from the pills, you can get your daily fix of iron from all green and leafy vegetables and peas, exceptions being beetroot and tomato which are red but have ample amount of iron. Apart from nuts, a lot of fruits are also iron rich: apples, pomegranate to name a few. In non vegetarian food, red meat and sea food are rich sources. Having Vitamin C rich fruits and juices helps with good absorption of iron. On the other hand never consume iron and calcium tablets together as they interfere with each other.

3. Vitamins

While Vitamins A, E, K are also required by the body, apart from Vitamin D that one has along with calcium, the most important Vitamins required during pregnancy are Vitamins B complex and C. Vitamin C is required for a lot of metabolic processes for mom and baby and since it cant be stored, one needs a fresh supple daily of the same. Most requirements can be fulfilled through diet, but if needed, supplements can be taken. Vitamin B complex has a lot of vitamins in the family and all requirements may not be fulfilled through diet so in most cases doctors suggest going for a Vit B complex supplement. Some rich sources of vitamins are: citrus fruits and juices, green and yellow fruits and vegetables and their juices. The more colourful your food and drinks, the better. However, remember a lot of nutrients from fruits and veggies are lost during cooking, so have enough raw fruits and salads as well.

4. Proteins

Proteins are probably the most important requirement for a baby to grow. The amount of protein the mother consumes directly affects the physical growth of the baby. Many calcium rich products are good sources of proteins as well. The best sources of proteins are: all dairy products, seafood, red and white meat. For vegetarians, beans, peas, lentils are good sources, along with whole grains and nuts, sprouts and roasted channa. Vegetarians may have trouble in getting enough proteins from their diet as animal proteins are superior and better absorbed by human body than plant proteins, so they may have to make more efforts in their diet or take protein powders if insufficient.

5. Fibre

During pregnancy, due to hormonal changes, many women face constipation. Since pregnant women cant have a lot of medicines, including fibre in food is very important. Substitute Maida with whole wheat as much as possible. Add whole grains like jowar, bajra, etc which are fibrous and nutritious and fulfilling as they have complex carbohydrates. Oats, muesli, dates, prunes and figs, are very good sources of fibre. When eating fruits, don't remove the outer skin. In vegetables, cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli are very good.

6. Carbohydrates and Fats

Carbohydrates and fat give you the energy which is required to maintain the levels of metabolism during pregnancy. Most of your grains, beans, protein consumption will also make up for your carbohydrate and fat requirement. However the trick is to get the right kind of carbs and fat. Go for whole grain over refined carbs, brown rice over white, wholewheat over regular pasta/pizza, olive oil over ghee, margarine over butter, etc. The idea is to get energy but also not pile on those pounds too quickly, as after the baby it will be a challenge to get rid of them!

7. Fluids

Last but definitely not the least, pregnant women need to keep themselves hydrated sufficiently. Apart from keeping the body healthy, toxin free, keeping the skin clear, helping with digestion; it also aids in production of amniotic fluid which is essential for the baby. Adequate fluids also ensures no swelling or UTIs. Usually we are in airconditioned environment at work or home and do not end up drinking much water, but during pregnancy one must force themselves to drink at least 2 litres. Not all fluid has to come from plain water: mix it with lemon, syrups; or have milk, juices, coconut water, soups etc for variety. Good helpings of fresh vegetables and fruits also provides fluids.

That's it? Oh no. How can a lesson on eating habits be complete without a list of Donts!


  • avoid unpasteurized milk products and soft cheese
  • avoid raw papayas and pineapples
  • avoid raw eggs and seafood and meat
  • avoid food cooked and kept for more than a day
  • avoid herbal teas and sugar substitutes
  • avoid raw veggies, fruits, sprouts from outside
  • avoid coffee, tea and caffeine rich drinks, and chocolate
  • consume salt and sugar in moderation
  • OBVIOUSLY NO DRINKING, SMOKING, DRUGS
Well that brings us to the end of the long lecture on nutrition. There is so much to have and also to avoid. So many conflicting opinions. My suggestion: eat what you like, in moderation, and if in doubt just say no. Do your best but dont get stressed about getting the right amount of everything or eating something wrong. Our bodies are miraculously built to manage us as well as our babies, and nature knows how to make do best with whatever we give ourselves. Have faith in yourself and whatever you eat or drink, think of the baby. Your baby will tell you what is right! :)



Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Cord Blood Banking: Expensive whim or useful tool?

While it is quite popular in western countries, Cord Blood Banking (CBB), a relatively unknown phenomenon until a few years ago, has surely come of age in Urban India.

Since time immemorial, the umbilical cord and blood have been discarded immediately after birth, as they were deemed to have no value once the baby is out. However, with exponential advancement in medical research in the field of genetics in the past decade or so, the concept of CBB has garnered ample interest lately. Today you can arrange for the cord blood and cells to be harvested during birth, and preserved for 21 years. The blood/cells can be used for medical therapy in curing various diseases, not just for the baby from whom it was extracted, but also its siblings, parents or even grandparents.


Why does one need CBB? Blood and stem cells found the in the umbilical cord binding a mother and baby have been used in studies to cure cancer, blood related and other congenital diseases. So if you have a family history of such diseases, chances are that going for CBB can help the baby and possibly other related family members with the diseases. But what if you do not have a history of these diseases? Medical researchers are looking at expanding the use of the stem cells to cure other diseases as well, like heart disease, diabetes, strokes etc. It is expected that with time, the uses of cord blood will increase manifold.

However, there is also a flip side to CBB: Currently cord blood cells can help with limited diseases only, and although research promises more uses in time, some people may not find that a good enough reason to go for it in case they do not have history of blood/cancer diseases. Secondly even if there is a family member with a disease that can be addressed by CBB, the cells may not be a match and hence be useless for that case. Last but not the least, there is a cost involved with CBB: anything from Rs 75000 to Rs 500000 for preservation for 21 years; depending on the processing method and multiplication of cells required.

So what's the verdict on CBB? I asked a lot of first time moms in my pre-natal class. Many of them were aware of CBB and had signed up with some or the other bank. Some were still thinking about it. There were also others who did not seem to like the idea, and had flatly refused to go for it. Either ways, everyone knew about it, even if they did not opted for it. When I asked the Lamaze instructor, she refused to comment, saying that she doesnt believe in promoting or snubbing CBB as its not a well established enough practise yet: it is up to the couple to take an independent decision. My gynecologist was more forthcoming: he was clear about the limitation of uses but still suggested we think about it, in case it ends up helping. Most of his patients - young, educated, urban couples in Mumbai, are going for it these days. He however refused to promote a particular bank and requested us to make a choice based on own research.

Personally, being the MBA couple we are, we applied game theory to make this decision:
it was better to go for it just in case it comes handy, if it doesnt then it's just a small affordable cost. But in case it could be used and we did not go for it, the loss will be much more.


And so we did our research and educated ourselves with the cord blood banks in India, the uses of CBB, actual success stories, various options/costs/payment methods, references from people who have done it etc. And finally we zeroed-in on CryoBanks.

So what happens once you finalise a bank? You contact them, they come over with a presentation and lots of material for you to read on the theory of CBB and actual application and success stories. They also inform you about the benefits and limitations, the way they process and preserve the cells, their policies and costs, and various options depending on your needs. Once you are on board, they take a detailed note of medical history of both mother and father and their families. Once the agreement is signed and all paperwork finished, they provide you with a collection kit which you need to carry as is to the hospital when you go into the labour. Most good banks have tie-ups with all the major hospitals in major cities, and the hospital staff is well aware of the protocol. The moment the mother goes into labour, she is to inform the bank, so they can come in time and collect the blood/cells. It takes hardly a few minutes and is a safe and painless procedure. Once teh samples are collected, they are tested to see if they can be preserved. In case they cannot, any money paid is refunded minus basic expenses. If all goes well, the blood/cells are banked and you get regular updates on the status. At the end of 21 years the agreement lapses but can be renewed if required.

Ideally people bank the cord blood/cells from the first baby. If a couple has more than one children, it is generally considered a waste of money to bank their blood/cells as well, as the amount of stem cells that can be multiplied and used from the first baby are enough to help the whole family. However, in case the first sample doesnt yield results for a family member due to matching issues, people may undertake CBB for second/future children too.

So what to look for in a cord blood bank:
  • it should be well reputed with experience in the arena
  • it should have state of the art facilities for preservation
  • it should have a good network with hospitals and easy to reach customer support
  • it should have transparent and customer friendly agreement and policies, and no hidden charges
What options does one have in India? The top three cord blood banks (basis popularity) are:
CryoBank , LifeCell , CordLife

In the end, irrespective of research and expert opinion, CBB is a highly personal decision that every couple today is faced with : it is like having a bio-insurance. It pays off if it comes handy in case of a disease. If it doesn't, it was just payment for insurance. And that's a call everyone takes when the time comes.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Memoirs of a Mother: Based on a true story

For all the mothers who are lucky to have planned, conceived and delivered a healthy baby, there are those who have gone through the tragedy of losing one. Whether through early/late miscarriage, or premature babies not surviving, or babies born still birth without any reason. Losing a child at any stage is a devastating experience for a mother, the sadness directly proportional to the time she spent with the little one. As I talk about much of the joys of pregnancy and baby care, I cannot turn a blind eye to the other not-so-happy side. 
This post, inspired by a real life story, portrays the feelings of a mother who lost her baby and how she dealt with it.

I still remember that fateful day in the wintery January of 1983, when I realised that I was pregnant! Our joys knew no bounds. I was 28 and eager to start a family. Barely married a few months ago, my husband and I did not have much: just a single room house on rent, a few essentials and the both of us. My husband, fresh out of Med School, had recently acquired a job with a grand hospital and was earning a good Rs. 3000 per month. We had little, but we were happy. And now, a little one was to come into our lives soon. It was a heartening feeling; but a little scary too. How would we manage? Would we be able to afford a good life and provide for a bright future for our child? All my fears and anxiety were laid to rest by my husband who was very supportive, and by my family and friends. And thus began the beautiful journey of motherhood.


We were very excited. We began nurturing our dreams: thinking of names, buying clothes, collecting important tid-bits from family and friends (recent mothers' hand-me-downs), plans to save money to buy toys and crib...

And then it struck me - my husband sonographed me and gave me "the news" (at that moment I could not decide whether it was good or bad) - I was pregnant with twin girls!

For a moment I was shocked - I could not react, and when I did, it was not pleasant. It was simply impossible: raising two girls, together, in a one-room house, on a meager salary... It could just not be done! I gave up. I told my husband I wanted to abort the babies. I would not be able to handle them. I wasn't sure we could pull it off. My husband, though crestfallen at my reaction, convinced me that we could make it if we tried. My family came to our rescue. They collected lots of baby things, came to live with me and help with the pregnancy and promised to help take care of the babies when they arrived. And so I agreed, and the journey continued.

The next few months' were pretty comfortable. Sure, I had some weird cravings at weird timings, and I suddenly stated hating my favourite foods. There were good days, bad days, horrible days, and great days too. Everyone pitched in , in whatever way they could. There was a lot going on, both inside and outside, but I was so loved and taken care of that I did not realise how time flew.

Then one fine day in late August, a month before the due date, things started to speed up and we were surprised to know that the stork intended to visit us a month before plan. On August 30th, 1983, I finally gave birth to the two most beautiful and precious babies ever! It was fairly smooth though exhausting., but all my tiredness went away when I saw the tiny little bundles of joy!

They were born premature, and as a result were very weak, thin and sick. It was a miracle they survived, but they were getting better by the day. The were identical twins: fair, rosy, fragile - and everyone who saw them fell in love with them. The doctor who delivered them told me she had 4 sons and desperately wanted to adopt my second baby. Smiling, I refused. Smiling because just a few months back I was ready to abort these little ones, or give them away; but today, I could not bear to do that! My brother-in-law also wanted to adopt my second one, and so did a few others, but I politely refused them all. These were my babies, my fruits of labour; and I was going o keep them, love them and nurture them twice as much as any mother! The two little Japanese dolls (as my doctor called them) had a band strapped to their wrists to differentiate between them: one with a blue strap, one with a red one. We decided to call the elder one Mini, and the younger Tini for the time being, till we finalised their proper names.

And then our world came crashing down - Mini improved and came back home a week after her birth, but suddenly Tini was getting sicker and sicker. As it is, in multiple births, each kid doesn't get equal nutrition during pregnancy, and in this case Tini was the weaker one. She was going from bad to worse and stayed at the hospital. The days crept by. Finally she started to get better, and by the time she was 13 days old, she was well enough to visit her home for the first time. There was much jubilation. With lots of hopes and dreams, we finally got Tini back home, and lay her next to Mini. What a beautiful sight they were! We decided to keep a watch throughout the night. My husband stayed up for a few hours while I slept. Then he woke me up, and it was my turn to stay up and watch over Tini's condition. While the 3 slept, I stayed awake, but very drowsy. Don't know how and when but at some point I fell asleep and was only woken up by loud crying noises of Tini, in the wee hours of the morning. We all woke up, and after doing whatever we could to calm her down, we realised something was wrong. We rushed her to the hospital. apparently she had caught a deadly infection on the blood called Septicaemia from the hospital itself, and was very sick. Though enraged by the lack of proper care in such a big hospital, we first concentrated on immediate steps for Tini's treatment and recovery. Those few hours were the worst hours of our lives. We hoped, wished and prayed, but it was too late. In the wee hours of a September day, when the little one was just 2 weeks old, she succumbed to the disease. The other half of Mini, my second Japanese doll - was gone! The baby so many people wanted, did not go to anyone; not even to us.

With heavy hearts and tearful eyes, we went back, wondering if there was any way we could have avoided this. Had I stayed up, could we have saved her life? Maybe, maybe not. Thus came an end to our dreams, hopes, wishes, happiness: at least half of it. Though she spent all her life in the hospital, we missed her presence. But all the same we were grateful to God that Mini was alive and kicking. She continued to be sick for a year or 2, but after that she flourished. But even today when I see Mini, sometimes I think of the little one, long gone: of how pretty she would have been, how her life would have shaped up... Would she have been a star student? Would she have had a great sense of humour? What would have her marriage been like?

'Sweetheart I know you were going through hell, and maybe it was a blessing for you to be liberated. But do know, all of loved you and still do. We did whatever we could for you, and above all, we miss you and wish you were here. But, as they say, sometimes God gets lonely and needs some nice people around him. I guess he needed you the most, amongst all of us... '
(FYI, My old nickname is Mini)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Taking the big decision: Just do it!

Honestly if you ask me there is no good time to have a baby. A baby can be planned or unplanned, but as long as you want the baby and are willing to do whatever it takes to make him/her feel welcome and loved in this world, it doesn't matter.

After a couple have taken the first step of deciding that they WANT to have a baby, comes the next step: to decide WHEN to have a baby. Many people have a long laundry list of stuff that needs to work out before they take the plunge. While some of it is crucial  like mental/physical health or a stable place to live in, some of the requirements may be personal and not strictly mandatory.

So what are the top items in the baby decision checklist?

1. Age of the father and mother:
Ideally a mother shouldn't be too young (less than 21yrs in my opinion), nor too old (greater than 35yrs). 21-35 yrs is an ideal time physically for a woman to give birth. While men can father children at any age as long as they are producing robust soldiers, I think its best that they too aint older than 35 so they have all the stamina to run after the lil one and live long enough to see them graduate, get married etc.

2. Mental and physical health of the parents:
For both parents to be mentally fit is a mandatory requirement. If not both, at least one parent needs to be mentally healthy, preferably the mother since she plays a greater role in the upbringing of a child. Physical health too is very important. If either /both parents have any genetic diseases which have a fair chance of being transferred to the baby, they should make their decision after ample thought and research. Even otherwise, dads should be observing healthy habits, like no smoking/drinking. Mothers should have regular menstrual cycles and age/height/built appropriate weight. If there are any health issues, ideally they should be addressed before going in for a baby.

3. Financial Security:
Now this is a tricky one: while its important, how much is enough is debatable. Surely the parents need to have a stable house to live in, a stable income to survive, some savings and a hopeful future to give a good life to a baby. But each individual has their own standards. Some are ok any time as long as they have a job and a house to live. Some want to have a house/car etc of their own before starting a family. Some want to be at a certain position in their jobs or have x amount of savings or x figure salary. Different people have different ideas of security and whenever they think they have it, they go for it. While I still think there is never a good time as one is never satisfied that they have enough, better not to push someone into taking this step: its too important to later regret.

4. Stable relationship and family support:
While different cultures have their own setups, Indian culture primarily still assumes marriage before children. Of course there are cases of unmarried couples having children but that's more of an exception than the rule as of now. Also, although love marriages are on the rise, there are still a lot of people even in urban India  who go for arranged marriages. Such people need time, to know and understand each other and see if they gel well enough to keep a family together. While this is important for arranged marriages, even in love marriages, couples are in no hurry to plan a family. Typically couples take at least 2-3 years after marriage before they start planning. Another factor which helps taking this decision is family support: if there are parents/in-laws nearby to help with the baby, couples are more keen on starting a family. On the other hand of the parents are too nosy and are pestering the couple to have kids asap, it can go both ways!

5. Timing:
Apart from the aforementioned factors there may be other factors in a person's life which govern the decision of having a family.  Some people may have responsibilities towards the family, like getting a younger sibling married or paying for education etc, and can start planning for their own family only when done with them. Some people may have a long distance marriage/relationship or have a travel-intensive job, which they may need to figure out before trying for a baby, as stability and closeness to partner is very important for conception and pregnancy. Some may have the wanderlust and have plans to tick items off their bucket list before settling down with a family. Better to finish all that you wanted to do before having a baby, as the whole process of trying, conceiving, pregnancy, post natal care etc is a very time consuming affair, and unless you have the time, inclination, and prioritization that's required, better wait.

These are some of the top things that came to my mind, which I learnt from my own experience or talking to other mothers/mothers-to-be. Different individuals have different priorities and factors to consider. Whatever be yours, just be sure you are really ready for this LIFE CHANGING experience in EVERY WAY. Cuz once the bun is in the oven, there is no turning back! :)






Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Welcome to the world of Mommyhood!!


Whether you are a mother, or expecting to be, or aspiring to be, or never wanna have anything to do with babies, this blog is all about just that: moms and babies and the amazing journey of motherhood. Lots has been said about the miracle of birth and the joys of parenthood, but nothing like going through it personally to appreciate all the fuss. Although Ive been thinking about it and planning for it since donkey's years, my journey actually began just about 7-8 months ago. This blog is dedicated to my personal experiences, right from the day the plan was finalised, to the day I discovered I was pregnant, and going forward, my encounters with  my baby. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as Ill enjoy writing!