Honestly if you ask me there is no good time to have a baby. A baby can be planned or unplanned, but as long as you want the baby and are willing to do whatever it takes to make him/her feel welcome and loved in this world, it doesn't matter.
After a couple have taken the first step of deciding that they WANT to have a baby, comes the next step: to decide WHEN to have a baby. Many people have a long laundry list of stuff that needs to work out before they take the plunge. While some of it is crucial like mental/physical health or a stable place to live in, some of the requirements may be personal and not strictly mandatory.
So what are the top items in the baby decision checklist?
1. Age of the father and mother:
Ideally a mother shouldn't be too young (less than 21yrs in my opinion), nor too old (greater than 35yrs). 21-35 yrs is an ideal time physically for a woman to give birth. While men can father children at any age as long as they are producing robust soldiers, I think its best that they too aint older than 35 so they have all the stamina to run after the lil one and live long enough to see them graduate, get married etc.
2. Mental and physical health of the parents:
For both parents to be mentally fit is a mandatory requirement. If not both, at least one parent needs to be mentally healthy, preferably the mother since she plays a greater role in the upbringing of a child. Physical health too is very important. If either /both parents have any genetic diseases which have a fair chance of being transferred to the baby, they should make their decision after ample thought and research. Even otherwise, dads should be observing healthy habits, like no smoking/drinking. Mothers should have regular menstrual cycles and age/height/built appropriate weight. If there are any health issues, ideally they should be addressed before going in for a baby.
3. Financial Security:
Now this is a tricky one: while its important, how much is enough is debatable. Surely the parents need to have a stable house to live in, a stable income to survive, some savings and a hopeful future to give a good life to a baby. But each individual has their own standards. Some are ok any time as long as they have a job and a house to live. Some want to have a house/car etc of their own before starting a family. Some want to be at a certain position in their jobs or have x amount of savings or x figure salary. Different people have different ideas of security and whenever they think they have it, they go for it. While I still think there is never a good time as one is never satisfied that they have enough, better not to push someone into taking this step: its too important to later regret.
4. Stable relationship and family support:
While different cultures have their own setups, Indian culture primarily still assumes marriage before children. Of course there are cases of unmarried couples having children but that's more of an exception than the rule as of now. Also, although love marriages are on the rise, there are still a lot of people even in urban India who go for arranged marriages. Such people need time, to know and understand each other and see if they gel well enough to keep a family together. While this is important for arranged marriages, even in love marriages, couples are in no hurry to plan a family. Typically couples take at least 2-3 years after marriage before they start planning. Another factor which helps taking this decision is family support: if there are parents/in-laws nearby to help with the baby, couples are more keen on starting a family. On the other hand of the parents are too nosy and are pestering the couple to have kids asap, it can go both ways!
5. Timing:
Apart from the aforementioned factors there may be other factors in a person's life which govern the decision of having a family. Some people may have responsibilities towards the family, like getting a younger sibling married or paying for education etc, and can start planning for their own family only when done with them. Some people may have a long distance marriage/relationship or have a travel-intensive job, which they may need to figure out before trying for a baby, as stability and closeness to partner is very important for conception and pregnancy. Some may have the wanderlust and have plans to tick items off their bucket list before settling down with a family. Better to finish all that you wanted to do before having a baby, as the whole process of trying, conceiving, pregnancy, post natal care etc is a very time consuming affair, and unless you have the time, inclination, and prioritization that's required, better wait.
These are some of the top things that came to my mind, which I learnt from my own experience or talking to other mothers/mothers-to-be. Different individuals have different priorities and factors to consider. Whatever be yours, just be sure you are really ready for this LIFE CHANGING experience in EVERY WAY. Cuz once the bun is in the oven, there is no turning back! :)
After a couple have taken the first step of deciding that they WANT to have a baby, comes the next step: to decide WHEN to have a baby. Many people have a long laundry list of stuff that needs to work out before they take the plunge. While some of it is crucial like mental/physical health or a stable place to live in, some of the requirements may be personal and not strictly mandatory.
So what are the top items in the baby decision checklist?1. Age of the father and mother:
Ideally a mother shouldn't be too young (less than 21yrs in my opinion), nor too old (greater than 35yrs). 21-35 yrs is an ideal time physically for a woman to give birth. While men can father children at any age as long as they are producing robust soldiers, I think its best that they too aint older than 35 so they have all the stamina to run after the lil one and live long enough to see them graduate, get married etc.
2. Mental and physical health of the parents:
For both parents to be mentally fit is a mandatory requirement. If not both, at least one parent needs to be mentally healthy, preferably the mother since she plays a greater role in the upbringing of a child. Physical health too is very important. If either /both parents have any genetic diseases which have a fair chance of being transferred to the baby, they should make their decision after ample thought and research. Even otherwise, dads should be observing healthy habits, like no smoking/drinking. Mothers should have regular menstrual cycles and age/height/built appropriate weight. If there are any health issues, ideally they should be addressed before going in for a baby.
3. Financial Security:
Now this is a tricky one: while its important, how much is enough is debatable. Surely the parents need to have a stable house to live in, a stable income to survive, some savings and a hopeful future to give a good life to a baby. But each individual has their own standards. Some are ok any time as long as they have a job and a house to live. Some want to have a house/car etc of their own before starting a family. Some want to be at a certain position in their jobs or have x amount of savings or x figure salary. Different people have different ideas of security and whenever they think they have it, they go for it. While I still think there is never a good time as one is never satisfied that they have enough, better not to push someone into taking this step: its too important to later regret.
4. Stable relationship and family support:
While different cultures have their own setups, Indian culture primarily still assumes marriage before children. Of course there are cases of unmarried couples having children but that's more of an exception than the rule as of now. Also, although love marriages are on the rise, there are still a lot of people even in urban India who go for arranged marriages. Such people need time, to know and understand each other and see if they gel well enough to keep a family together. While this is important for arranged marriages, even in love marriages, couples are in no hurry to plan a family. Typically couples take at least 2-3 years after marriage before they start planning. Another factor which helps taking this decision is family support: if there are parents/in-laws nearby to help with the baby, couples are more keen on starting a family. On the other hand of the parents are too nosy and are pestering the couple to have kids asap, it can go both ways!
5. Timing:
Apart from the aforementioned factors there may be other factors in a person's life which govern the decision of having a family. Some people may have responsibilities towards the family, like getting a younger sibling married or paying for education etc, and can start planning for their own family only when done with them. Some people may have a long distance marriage/relationship or have a travel-intensive job, which they may need to figure out before trying for a baby, as stability and closeness to partner is very important for conception and pregnancy. Some may have the wanderlust and have plans to tick items off their bucket list before settling down with a family. Better to finish all that you wanted to do before having a baby, as the whole process of trying, conceiving, pregnancy, post natal care etc is a very time consuming affair, and unless you have the time, inclination, and prioritization that's required, better wait.
These are some of the top things that came to my mind, which I learnt from my own experience or talking to other mothers/mothers-to-be. Different individuals have different priorities and factors to consider. Whatever be yours, just be sure you are really ready for this LIFE CHANGING experience in EVERY WAY. Cuz once the bun is in the oven, there is no turning back! :)
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