Making the Right Choice of School for your Child

Do you choose a school? Or these days, does a school choose you? Whatever be the case, it always helps to be prepared, given how competitive it has become, to get your child admitted into formal school in Indian Metros these days, especially places like Delhi and Mumbai.

So what exactly do you look for in a school? What all factors should you consider when contemplating where to get your little one admitted? These days, every school boasts of the best infrastructure, teaching methodology, activities, facilities etc. How does one decide what is best for their child, how does one search for the diamond within the coal?

Each parent has his/her own attitude and beliefs towards education, and thus different things matter to different people. Some want a school that follows rigorous academic schedules; some want more emphasis on extracurricular activities. Some want international exposure, some want to make their wards more responsible citizens. Some look for fancy infrastructure while some want to go the alternate education path.

Whatever be your preferences or sensibilities, here is a rundown on some factors to consider when making the choice of school for your child, that may help you differentiate and finalize options to make your arduous task of application and admission easier.

• Practical factors: location, distance from home, admission process online or offline, onetime fees, monthly fees, transport facility available or not, timings, student-teacher ratio, students per class, general reputation/brand, feedback from parents with children studying there, religious/political affiliation, student diversity, student safety and security measures

• Infrastructure: maths/language/science/computer laboratories, library facilities, auditorium, extracurricular and sports facilities, smart classrooms, audio-visual teaching aids, playground

• Academics: inclusion of technology, teaching methodology, teaching beyond classrooms, curriculum/board, availability of scholarships, citizenship/community programs, career and personal counselling, homework and exam policy, assessment policy, personal grooming

• Extras: foreign languages, trips and excursions in India and abroad, international exposure/exchange programs, student clubs and committees, events/functions, inter-school competitions

These are the factors that I am considering while making my choice this year for my daughter. I hope this comprehensive list made after lots of research, is helpful for readers, even though it may not be completely exhaustive. Wishing everyone good luck with the crazy admission process. May all our children get into good schools, which hone their skills and groom them into kind and responsible citizens of the future! 

Concepts to teach a Preschooler

Now that my little on is nearing 2.5 years and attending preschool, I was wondering what all can I do with her, which will be both fun and educational. I spoke to many fellow mommies and searched online for various concepts and came up with the following list of things you can teach a preschooler!

I do many of these activities on a daily basis with my dotty and I'm quite happy to see she absorbs the concepts well and enjoys our learning time every evening. Apart from talking about them, one can download many worksheets available freely on the internet! I hope others can benefit from this!

Language: English/Regional Language Alphabet : speak all letters; recognise capital/written letters, know objects for each letter, phonics

Math: Counting 1-20, speaking numbers, recognise numerals, count objects, make groups

Time Days of the week, months of the year, seasons, time of day, day and night, birthday and age,

Activities: Nursery rhymes and stories,  art and craft, draw human figure, cooking, dance/singing, housework, wearing clothes,shoes and eating on your own, clean up own stuff, pattern writing, matching/pairing, sorting/categorization, jigsaw puzzles,

Personal Grooming and Info: Good habits and manners, table manners, washing hands/face/feet, brushing teeth twice a day, cover mouth when sneezing/coughing, good touch bad touch, self defense, greetings/sorry/please/thank you, know family members' names, know address and names of self, parents,  school, class, teacher etc., civic sense, boy and girl,

Vocabulary: Colours, shapes, fruits, vegetables, parts of body, vehicles, house objects, food and drink items, rooms in the house, clothes, animals, birds, jobs, plants, nature, animal sounds/babies/habitat, furniture, places in the city,

Concepts: more less, same different, position and size, emotions, full empty, before after, sequencing, many and few, part and whole, Opposites, left right, propositions, adjectives and adverbs, verbs,  direction, late early, old new, textures, taste hearing and smell, temperature, odd one out, money, computer parts.

Country/Culture (India for me): national anthem and song, prayer songs and shlokas, family relation names, places of worship/religion,panchtantra/jataka tales, basic facts about the country/city, festivals and their meaning,

Disclaimer: These ideas have emerged out of discussion and research, I do not proclaim any ownership or rights. Also this is just an indicative list to give parents an idea - you can make your own list as per your sensibilities and priorities!

Abortion: Pro life or Pro choice?

Abortion, or medical termination of pregnancy, is one of the most widely debated topics around the world, related to parenting. The phenomena isn't just a physical process - it is also an emotional, social, moral, legal and in many countries - a religious concept.

Around the world, most developed first world countries have judged abortion to be legal on request. In South America, Africa and parts of Asia it is illegal with exceptions for certain factors like health risks for mother/child, rape etc. Few countries in the world have formally banned abortion. But many cultures strongly discourage abortion, including birth control.

In India, under the MTP Act of 1971, abortion is allowed only for certain circumstances, like:
- risk to maternal health
- possibility of severe mental or physical disability of the child after birth
- pregnancies due to rape, in unmarried girls or lunatics, or due to contraception failure

But the biggest problem in India is gender selective abortion - aborting gild children deliberately for want of boys, due to social pressure, In the past, many a female foetus have been aborted. As a result today determining sex of foetus before birth is a punishable act for both the parents and doctors; and many doctors refuse to abort if the foetus is female.

Thankfully things aren't as bad as in some countries where abortion is considered murder and therefore is a sin or illegal, even at the cost of the mother's life. However we still aren't really pro-choice. If a woman chooses to abort for reasons other than those listed above, she is looked don upon. Yes, childbirth is a miracle and children are a gift, but ultimately it should be up to the woman to decide if she wants to give birth to and bring up a child or not, since she is most definitely the most important stakeholder, the primary caretaker.

What other reasons can a woman have to abort? Unhappy marriage or domestic issues, financial problems - to name some. Whatever be the reason to abort, if a woman thus chooses, she should be given the benefit of doubt and allowed to exercise her right to make her own choice. It is better to abort a child than to force someone not ready to have it, and be unhappy or regretful forever.

Even if we make such reasons insufficient for abortions, it does not mean abortions wont happen. Since time immemorial women have been inducing abortions whenever required. And in many cases they use unsafe surgical or medical ways to abort which lead to much more risk to their life. Better to allow them to abort in a safe and hygienic environment.

So in this debate I am definitely pro-choice. In my opinion, it is the most beneficial solution for everyone. I have a child of my own and I can imagine it is never easy for a woman to make such a decision, When she does, give her support, she needs that more than anything else!

The truth about baby pees and poops

Often times we can get to know a lot about our baby’s health just by looking out for signs in their urine and stool. Some quick things to check for when you change your baby can help diagnose issues faster:

Baby pee: 

• During summers babies perspire more and may produce a little dark urine. If the pee is very dark or pinkish there may be blood in the urine or some other issue. 
• A little smell of ammonia is common when you change a baby after long, especially in the morning. However if it’s very strong and persistent your baby might be suffering from UTI. 
• As babies grow older they don’t pee as frequently. Some babies stop peeing at night very early on. However if you baby is less than 6 months of age and hasn’t peed for more than 6 hours during the day, he might be dehydrated. 

Baby poo: 

• Slightly formed, yellow to brown to green stools are normal for breastfed and formula fed babies. However if they’re watery and much greener than usual, then it could be diarrhea. Black poop may be due to iron consumption. If the poop is like hard pellets and makes the baby cry out in pain, your baby may be constipated. 
• Baby poo colour, texture, smell and frequency change when a baby starts solids. It is common for high fibre foods to come out as is in the poop for a baby on solids. Generally mucous in the poop isn’t a cause for concern but sometimes it could signify some infection. Babies on solids have smellier and more solid poops. 
• As far as frequency is concerned, every baby has a different pattern. But generally breastfed babies poop more often than formula babies, with the latter sometimes going days without pooping. It doesn’t always mean they’re constipated. However you may consider giving prune juice or suppositories to babies who haven’t pooped in a long time, as recommended by the doctor. 

Keeping these pointers in mind whenever you change your baby’s diaper is helpful. But whenever in doubt, do not hesitate to call your doctor – better be safe than sorry.

Diaper bag essentials: What to pack?

So, are you ready for your first outing with the baby? Make this exciting trip memorable, but for the right reasons. If you’re not adequately prepared, you may end up having a nightmare. Some essentials that you must carry to ensure a smooth day-out experience:

• Diapering needs – carry enough diapers, factor in unexpected poops. Make sure you have wipes, disposable bags, diaper changing mats, rash cream etc. if you’re visiting a mall etc., look out for baby rooms – changing and feeding babies there is much easier. 
• Breastfeeding aides – if you breastfeed, carry a cloak to cover up if you’re required to feed in public. If you express, make sure you carry pumped milk in clean containers in an icebox to maintain its shelf life. 
• Formula needs – if your baby is formula fed, ensure you carry enough boiled and cooled water, formula and sterilised bottles. If you’re carrying fewer bottles than you might need, ensure you have means to sterilise them if required to re-use. Else buy disposable inserts. 
• Clothes etc. – carry an extra change of clothes, or two. Carry extra napkins, bibs, burp cloths, and a blanket or wrap to cover or swaddle the baby with, if required. . A cosy baby is a happy baby. 
• Toiletries and medication – you may want to carry baby sunscreen/moisturiser or mosquito repellent cream if going out. A few emergency medications, like nasal drops, crocin, colicaid, etc. can come in handy, and so can anti-bacterial/fungal ointments and thermometers. It may be highly improbable your child will need all this but better be prepared. 
• Food – if your baby has started having solids, you can carry some easy to feed finger foods like carrot sticks, rotis or sandwiches, homemade cookies etc. You may also consider ready-to-eat baby food jars or cereal if there are no other alternatives. Ensure the food is packed hygienically in airtight/clean bags/boxes and leftovers are discarded immediately. For older babies remember to carry a sippy cup (if they have started using one) to keep them hydrated. 
• Miscellaneous - It helps to carry some toy or rattle as a form of entertainment or distraction for the babies, especially when they’re ready to throw a fit. You may also want to stash a sling in there as an option if there’s space – carrying a baby in that is easier than holding him. Mommies can also store their wallets/phones or maybe a snack or two in the spacious pockets. 

It might take a few tries but soon enough you will be a pro at packing the perfect diaper bag for you and your baby!

(image courtesy www.freeimages.co.uk)

Tips for conception

For women, understanding basics of conception and your body will lead you to achieving your desired results faster and more efficiently, sans the emotional stress.

For starters, track your menstrual cycle, and understand ovulation, the key to conception. In simple words, ovulation is the phase of the menstrual cycle where partially matured eggs are released by the ovaries for fertilization by sperm. It is a time in you cycle when chances of intercourse leading to pregnancy are highest.

Typically for a 28 day cycle, ovulation occurs between day 10 and day 16, from the day the period started. Some women know when they are ovulating, due to symptoms like whitish discharge, body temperature, heightened sexual drive etc.

But if you are not one of them, all is not lost. There are other ways to know your dates. You can use an ovulation calculator (link) or an ovulation kit available OTC at most chemists these days. In case that doesn’t help, or you are still not sure, you can try intercourse after your periods end, for 2 weeks.

Tips for intercourse: Do it every alternate day, instead of every day. It gives time for sperms to regenerate, and anyway sperms are alive inside the woman for up to 48 hours and eggs are alive for 72 hours.

As far as positions are concerned, it is suggested that using the missionary position, and lying still for at least 10 minutes post intercourse, helps in better transportation of sperms into the uterus. However do not worry too much about positions. It is more important to enjoy the act than lose sleep over technicalities/

At the end of the day, trust yourself and listen to your body – you will know when to do it, and you will also be the first person to know you have a little peanut inside you! Good luck!

Dealing with infertility

Whenever you plan to have a baby, it comes with a lot of emotion. Before you are even pregnant you might have already started thinking of decorating the baby room, finalising names, thinking of your life ahead with the little one… and it is disappointing when you realise you haven’t become pregnant the first time you tried. 

Most people, even perfectly healthy ones, can take up to a year to get pregnant. But there is a good chance you already know that, so you try again. And again. And again. But no good news. At this point, it’s a good idea to take medical help to conceive. There are a number of options available which the doctor will consider based on the results of the various tests and physical examinations of the couple, like:

• Lifestyle modification: the female is asked to get her weight in check - for every kg lost, the chances of conception increase dramatically 
• Fertility drugs: women typically take prescribed medicines for 5 days starting from the 3rd day of the menstrual cycle. Even men may be prescribed supplements for increasing the mobility and production of sperms if the need be 
• Removal of tubal blockage: Fallopian tubal blockage can be diagnosed by methods like using dye or saline water injections. Laparoscopy is done to remove blockage if any 
• Follicle Egg Monitoring: The monitoring is done via ultrasound to ensure ovulation and intercourse are timed correctly 

But every now and then there are cases of people who are perfectly ok but still can’t conceive. In such cases, many couples opt for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). IVF is a treatment for fertility where eggs and sperms are extracted from a couple’s bodies, fertilised in a laboratory, and reinserted in the uterus for maturing. IVF services are available through many clinics across all major cities. However, do ensure you choose a reputed fertility clinic, as assisted reproductive methods are time consuming and expensive, and lack of results can lead to further frustrations.

There are cases where IVF is not possible, desirable or affordable, or where medically it’s not possible for either partner to reproduce. In such cases there are other options, like surrogacy, artificial insemination and adoption available.

If you are going through infertility, discuss it with your partner and your doctor for choosing the right option for you. Many doctors believe that apart from medication, a stress free life is extremely critical for conception as stress can make the hormones run haywire. Therefore, simply enjoy the intimacy with your partner and don’t let the treatment become a chore.

If required, take counselling sessions to deal with your emotional trauma, exacerbated by social pressures of India, so that once you do have a baby through any method, you are healthy and happy to receive it. Remember, irrespective of whose sperm/eggs are used, or which uterus the baby matured in, the moment you have a baby, it is yours and yours alone, and you are a parent, for life. Don’t let anyone take that away from you!

(image courtesy www.freeimages.co.uk)

Readiness Checklist for Pregnancy

Once as a couple you have decided to go for a baby, the most important aspect of preparation is getting your body ready for conception. Though it is the woman who conceives and carries a child for 9 months, there are certain responsibilities of the man as well. Men and women should tick off the following from their to-do list before they start trying for a child:

1. Quit smoking and drinking, cut down on caffeine – consumption of alcohol and cigarettes, as well as caffeine adversely affects ability to conceive.
2. Control chronic diseases like diabetes, thyroid issues, hypertension etc. to improve your chances and avoid complications. If you’re suffering from any conditions, like UTI etc. get them cured before you start trying.
3. Achieve ideal weight in case you’re overweight – the more you lose, the more your chances increase to conceive.
4. Find a good doctor/gynaecologist, check your family and pregnancy history and scan for potential issues. Get a genetic screening done if required and update your immunizations.
5. Visit the dentist and ophthalmologist– pregnancy aggravates dental problems and some women may even experience vision changes. Best to get both eyes and teeth checked before you conceive.
6. Start eating healthy, take multivitamins and avoid any stress – a healthy lifestyle will go a long way in helping you during and post pregnancy. Chart out low sugar/salt etc. diet if you foresee chances of/ suffer from hypertension/diabetes etc.
7. Get rid of the contraceptives – throw out the pills or devices a couple of months in advance so that your body get used to its natural cycle.

Most importantly, stay positive and be patient. A happy mind leads to a healthy body, healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby. Good luck!!

(image courtesy www.freeimages.co.uk)

Tiger Mom Vs Dino Mom : Where do you stand?

A friend of mine recently shared this interesting post by a fellow blogger -

Tiger mom - to be or not to be | Blog Post by Tanu Shree Singh | two boys and a mad mum | mycity4kids

Reading the post made me smile. I've read the famous "Battle hymn of the tiger mom" book. Its a fun read and talks about one perspective of parenting. But when it comes to parenting, it's hard to say what is right and what is wrong. Parenting is highly subjective.

 




My parents were never strict with us as far as academics/sports/extra curriculars were concerned. Frankly they did not care as long as they were not getting any complaints. They did not push us unnecessarily. Our cable connection was not disconnected during exams, our parents did not make us burn the midnight oil, or push us to attend 1000 classes like sports and performing arts and tuitions.

But I guess I did not need pushing. I was a good student (never came first but was always top 5), very active in extra curriculars, the teacher's pet and popular at school. Out of my own choice I took judo, swimming, theater, dance, cooking, language and singing classes. Never really excelled in anything to make it a career, but was happy to dabble and enjoy.

I feel good that I wasn't forced to only study or pushed hard for sports etc. But I do wish, a little, that my parents pushed me harder to try to come first, to learn to play a music instrument, to hone some skill/art, and definitely be interested in sports (I'm zero in sports). I was always a chilled out girl who was more of a smart worker than a hard worker. And since I always did well at school, no one complained or bothered. I was content and so were my parents so things stayed status quo. But I feel a little pressure from them would have gone a long way into getting me to get out of my comfort zone and try harder, and God knows what I could have, would have, achieved.

I know it's not fair to blame everything on them. It sounds like it but I don't mean that. We and only we are responsible for the choices we make in life. And I never bothered to have a serious passion, which I regret very much today, but it's all my fault for being so casual and lazy.

Bottom line is.. I want to go one step ahead of my parents and encourage my children to be passionate about something and work hard on it. I would like to expose them to all options in skills/sports/academics etc, and let them choose what catches their fancy. And then be after them to not get lazy about their chosen passion. I know it sounds nasty, but at the cost of being labelled a strict/bad/dominating/hitler mom by my peers or family, this is one thing that I have decided I will do.

Apart from of course. . My house my rules.. for 18 years my kids HAVE to live by my rules. Which means I decide schedules and permissions and possessions etc. If its acceptable well and good, if not you are free to leave. My mom was a strict mom who didn't coochie coo us at all. While I may be a little more affectionate towards my kids, I'm gonna be a strict disciplinarian for sure, the bad cop. And I don't mind. I think it's required. One has limited control over children, especially these days. You have only a few years to mould them into responsible, disciplined individuals. Once they grow up they're on their own, forever.

So I guess I'm neither a proper Tiger mom nor a Dino mom, but somewhere in the middle, maybe leaning towards Dino mom :-)

Tackling the bottle: Tips for bottle feeding babies

Breast is by far the best food for your baby. But for whatever reasons if and when you shift partially or fully to formula feeding, one of the most popular ways to feed formula is through a feeding bottle. Once you have chosen to introduce bottle feeding, you should get some bottle feeding basics right, so that you and your baby become comfortable with the whole process.

Choosing a bottle and nipple: 
From glass to plastic, there are a number of materials and brand option in the market today.  Choose a material you can afford and maintain hassle free. Bottles are long lasting and you can easily use them for 3-6 months depending on the care. Nipples need to be changed at least every 3 months, not just for size but also hygiene.

Maintenance and storage:
Bottles and nipples need to be cleaned with a baby stuff cleanser and brush every day, and sterilized before every use for best results. For sterilization, you can use an electric or microwave sterilizer, sterilizing liquid/tablets or boil in water traditionally, though that may lead to yellowing of nipples/bottles. After sterilizing, you can store bottles in your room in a comfortable temperature, or in the fridge.

Tips for bottle-feeding:

1. Try to give warm milk instead of room temp or cold – babies prefer warm to cold. At the same time don’t get them too used to it that they don’t drink until its warm – could be a problem when travelling.

2. Don’t let the baby sleep while feeding; keep tickling them to wake them up. Also, keep tapping the bottle on the side or bottom and keep rotating the bottle every now and then to remind the baby to drink.

3. Choose the flow of the nipple as per age and comfort with feeding speed of the baby. Sometimes when a baby doesn’t feed for too long and therefore doesn’t get enough nutrition, choosing a faster flow nipple helps.

4. Like the breast, a bottle nipple also should also be completely in the baby’s mouth. Ensure that to maintain a steady feeding rate. However, keep removing the nipple every now and then to tackle vacuum build-up.

5. Raise the head slightly for easy feeding, especially for babies less than 4 months/those who don’t have neck control yet.

6. Always prepare more formula than the baby’s regular amount. If s/he finishes and wants more, you will waste time making again but by then their hunger will be gone.

7. Talk or sing to the baby, encourage and appreciate him/her while feeding so they feel good about feeding and feed well instead of throwing tantrums or being fussy.

8. Burp the baby well enough so that s/he doesn't feel unwell or gassy, and refuses to feed due to that. Make the baby do gas relieving exercises and in worst cases, use colic medication as per your pediatricians advice.

9. You can feed expressed breast milk through bottles as well. Just ensure you refrigerate the milk if you want to store, and use within 24 hours. You can also freeze breast milk for longer storage. You can milk breast milk and formula, but if the baby doesn't finish the feed, remember the leftover breast milk goes waste.

Always listen to what your baby needs. Go with the flow. Keep the basics and tips in mind and you will definitely have a smooth sailing feeding experience!

The formula of feeding formula!

In the olden times, when a mother couldn't or didn't want to feed, she had the option of wet nurses, mothers who were employed to feed others’ babies. With changing times, feeding options for mothers have changed as well. Today the most popular, safe and nutritious alternative to breastfeeding is formula.

There is no doubt, that in the first 6 months, breast-milk is the best for a baby.  WHO recommends exclusively breastfeeding a baby till 6 months and then continuing as a supplement until 2 years or more if desirable. However, there can be a number of reasons why a mother shifts to formula, partially or fully. The inability to feed from mother’s or baby’s side, mother or baby not together for a long period of time, mother wanting to wean baby early due to work or other commitments, etc. Whatever be the reason, today a mother need not worry about her child’s health and nutrition, thanks to formula.

So where do you begin?

Choosing, storing, preparing formula:
There are a variety of formula brands available in India. Your pediatrician, friends and family can help you choose a good option. Sometimes a particular brand doesn't suit the baby, so keep your options open. Finalize a brand based on suitability, budget, availability etc.
Once you buy a box, remember to keep it sealed in an airtight container, and use the contents before expiry date. If you use formula sparingly, donate partially used formula to mothers who can’t afford it or a puppy/kitten shelter before expiry.
Always remember to follow the formula preparation instructions properly when making it, to avoid over/under nutrition and/or infection. Also some formula brands have probiotics which die if exposed to very high temperatures, so be careful to use only lukewarm water and never cook prepared formula. Remember – use formula within half an hour of preparation and discard any leftover formula immediately.

Choosing a feeding medium:  
There are a number of ways in which you can feed your baby. Most parents choose a bottle, but one can also opt for spoon or palada. Choose an option that is best suited to your and baby’s comfort. It is easier to shift to sippy cup/ tumbler feeding when using a spoon/palada¸ but bottle is fine as well. However it is suggested to get your child weaned off from bottles by age 1 to avoid teething and other problems.

Benefits of formula feeding:
• other family members like father, siblings, relatives can be involved in feeding process
• formula fed babies are fuller, and sleep longer especially at nights
• intake can be easily monitored and mother isn’t tied down 24x7
• no interference in dietary, birth control and clothing choices

If you go the formula way in a proper hygienic manner, there is no reason your child won’t be as healthy, happy and satisfied as a breastfed baby. Whether the reason to choose formula was voluntary or involuntary, never feel guilty or depressed: you are in no way second class to women who choose to and are able to breastfeed their children. You are an amazing mother who knows what is best for her baby, and your

baby will love you just as much!

Detachment Parenting : More sensible parenting?

So we all have heard about the concept of Attachment Parenting (AP) and all its benefits. and I'm sure it works wonders in forging that amazing bond with your bub which wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

But hang on there AP followers, you got tough competition from the latest kids on the block - the Detachment Parenting (DP) followers! Now DP and AP are as different as chalk and cheese. But does that also mean that one way is "better" than the other?

In my honest opinion, it is relative. Depends on the upbringing of the parent. Let me give you my example. I had the mother of all DP moms - she never went coochie coo with us, did not tolerate crying even if we fell down and hurt ourselves, and NEVER gave in to our tantrums since the day we were born. I often wondered if she were a reincarnation of Hitler himself. The irony was, her name was a synonym for "maternal love", which according to me was a total misnomer. I found her detachment and lack of emotion quite disappointing, and promised myself I would never be like that.

And then I grew up. And saw the wisdom in her parenting style. We kids learnt to take care of ourselves, ourselves. We fought our own battles. We never came crying to mommy. We were responsible for our own academic and extra curricular performance, with neither blind support nor undue pressure from her. We were told what was fire, but in case we still chose to burn ourselves, we were allowed to make mistakes, but also be responsible for our decisions. We were independent at a young age, and capable of taking care of everything around teh house and outside, sooner than many kids.

(Of course after we grew up and left home, my mother had melted like wax and she compensated for her earlier strict behaviour by being over senti and coochi coo.) But anyway, the point is.. DP has its benefits. Did I not miss my mother's hugs and kisses? I did. Will I not hug and kiss my baby? Perhaps I would, more than my mother did. But one must know where to draw the line.

Ever since my baby was born, she has slept in her own bed. This gives me my comfort, space and privacy with my husband in bed. I play with her during the day, but when I'm busy with work, I'm busy - she has been taught to play on her own. I do have my bonding time with her everyday when I bathe and massage her on my own, but others (husband/family/friends) play an active role in feeding her etc so she isnt stuck to me. I rarely rock her in my arms when she has to sleep... she self soothes to sleep mostly. even if she is crying, I do not rush to her immediately - I know mostly she is just testing me for attention. I love being with her but every week I take a day out to do my own thing with my friends, sans the baby - without feeling any guilt.

Going forward, she will be shifted into her own room and bed when baby no 2 arrives in the next 2-3 years. My kids will sleep, eat, play independently. Of course I will be with them every step of the way. However I will not forge their paths for them, but let them find a way on their own.

Most importantly I will not take them everywhere I go - especially to movie halls/theatres/auditoriums/ fine dining restaurants etc. There are some places kids should just not be allowed to enter. I have always hated unruly kids screaming while I'm trying to watch a movie or have a quiet dinner with husband. If your kids cant sit at one place then don't take them out to such places where not only your experience is disturbed but others suffer too. Take them to a noisy Mc Donalds' or just keep them at home!

All of this may come as quite a shock to my fellow Indians, as we are a country full of over senti and attached parents. I know of many people who are adults and still sleep with their parents! Of men who are mollycoddled to death by their mothers and cant function on their own. Of women who forget to be wives and friends and WOMEN, just because they have become mothers.

I am all for love and bonding and affection. And even though AP is not my style, I respect those who follow it. But I'd rather stay away, and embrace DP. It may sound selfish, but for me, it is the more sensible and practical thing to do. And I'm sure my kids will love me to bits just as much, just like I love my mom :)

Lists Lists Lists!

When it comes to labour planning, pregnancy management and baby rearing, there is no end to To-Do lists that one ends p making. Here are some important lists that come in handy when planning for your baby's arrival, in the Indian context. Thanks to all my friends for helping me put this together!

Stuff to carry to the hospital:

Mom
1 Paperwork: medical/insurance
2 Books (What to expect, others), notepad, pen
3 purse with wallet etc, Cell phone, charger
4 going home outfit, feeding pillow
5 disposable panties, nursing bras, sanitary pad
6 toiletries, towels, bathroom slippers
7 Water, medicines, candies


BABY
1 Baby book – record firsts
2 baby care pack, sanitizer
3 bottles and brush
4 Diapers and disposer bags
5 Towel set, pillow, burp cloth
6 jhablas, mittens, socks, cap
7 plastic sheet, bed sheet, wrapping sheet, blanket
8 comb, nail cutter, scissors, medicines

Stuff to buy for the baby:

Baby big stuff:

Tub, Pram, 1 set bedding

Cot+mobile with lights/music

breast pump n sterilizer

Baby carrier/sling

Car seat/bassinet

Car diaper bag, diaper bag

water proof bed-spread 

baby net, Baby monitor

bathing chair

feeding bottles, brush

Baby small stuff

face and hand towels/napkins

bibs, hand mitts, socks, blanket

burp cloths, waterproof lap covers

baby thermometer

bottles and brush

Diapers and disposer bags

Toiletries, hand sanitizer

Clothes : onesies/jhablas, cut sheets

Rattles, teethers, soothers

Bottle cover, bottle/food warmer

Bath towels, plastic sheet, bed sheet, 

wrapping sheet, sleep/body suits

comb, nail cutter, scissors

liquid cleanser, clothes softener, detergent 

Mom stuff:

Nursing nighties and bras

sanitary napkins, disposable panties

breast pads, Front open tops/kurtas,

feeding pillow and perinial cushion

Is there anything like planning a birth?

Yes there is. Of course its all destiny/in God's hand when and how the baby arrives. But it doesnt hurt for us to know what we want and communicate the same to the doctor/hospital where we intent to deliver. attaching below a sample birth plan for your benefit. Hope it helps! :)

Sample Birth Plan

Name: ABC
Husband’s Name: XYZ
Gynaecologist name: Dr JKL
Hospital: PQR

Attendants:
Who would you like to be present during labour/birth

Amenities
Any stuff you want to bring to the labour room (eg. books/music) or want from the hospital's end (eg. birthing ball)

Once admitted:
Whether you want to be mobile, eat or drink or not.

Interventions:
You opinion on labour induction, vacuum or forceps delivery

Pain Relief
whether you want any pain managing options like epidurals.

Vaginal Birth
what you think about episiotomy

C Section
who will be there, do you want to see the baby being delivered

Cord blood banking
if you are banking cord blood, mention details and procedures

After delivery
How soon do you want to feed, rooming the baby with you or in nursery, how soon can people visit you and baby, how much and how often you want to see baby in nursery/NICU, who will oversee procedures and be with baby if mother cant, do you wat someone to stay nights in your room etc.

Feeding:
specify if you want to breastfeed exclusively / partially or not at all. what you can/cant allow hospital staff to give the baby (water/formula/pacifier/sugar water), if you need any breastfeeding sessions/support

Medical Information
Whatever medical conditions you have which need to be monitored rigorously during labour, birth and afterwards.

The Hullabaloo of the Indian Pregnancy

Sometimes I wonder why is there so much hallabaloo regarding pregnancy in india???
I see such weird attitudes/reactions from WOMEN all around me:

1. Dont tell anyone you are planning: nazar lag jayegi, and you wont be able to conceive? What crap! If at all given our sex ed levels, sharing plans may help with tips, and important information.

2. If you realise you are pregnant, dont tell anyone for 3 months except family: nazar lag jayegi, you will end up miscarrying? or it will be embarrassing or sad if you tell everyone and then miscarry? Again, telling people wont affect anything, and miscarriages etc can happen after 3 months also. What then?

3. No matter how obviously pregnant you are, dont announce it to the world, put it up on social networking sites, click pictures of baby bump etc.: its bad luck? Cmon people around the world send announcement mails/postcards asap, put up baby bump pics everywhere. Nothing happens to them! If you're a private person I understand, but just to keep it all hush hush cuz we are indian is so stupid!

4. dont keep names or buy baby stuff before birth: bad luck - what if baby dies? well thats an eventuality all of us must be aware of. but why does it stop us from planning? in my opinion its dumb to run around buying stuff AFTER the baby is born: its too last moment and chaotic! buying stuff or deciding names in advance doesnt jinx pregnancy or baby. it just helps.

5. heavily pregnant women wear loose fitting clothes, or cover huge baby bumps with dupattas, as if doing this will hide the fact that they are pregnant: nazar lag jayegi? Seriously is pregnancy something to be hidden, be embarrassed about, be ashamed of? Why do u wanna hide? whats so uncomfortable in people knowing ur pregnant? that u had sex with your partner? cmon grow up!

6. baby's father/family members not allowed/wanted during birthing: its indecent, interfering. Again, ur ok with stranger doctors and nurses prying your legs apart and exposing your modesty for everyone to see when you are in labour but not allowing/wanting baby father or own mother, both of whom have seen u naked, to be there to support you (in case its a normal birth n there are no issues) is so archaic. Whats the big deal yaar?

Once the baby is born there are a million dos and donts: put nazar ka teeka, dont go out for 2 months, mom should or shouldnt eat xyz things, etc etc etc. 90% of these things have NO scientific base but we so called educated people still go on following this bullshit blindly! I personally find it very old fashioned and stupid. Wonder when we will come out of the dark ages!

Parents are Parents, not free babysitters.

While its very nice of parents to pitch in when their children have new born babies, for couples to depend entirely on their parents/in-laws to supervise and run after their little ones so that they can get back to work/enjoy a social life is unfair in my opinion.

Our parents have done their bit of running around and managing little infants/toddlers, which is anything but easy. And to make them relive that in their 60s is torture. They may still do it out of love or obligation, they may even say that they like it, dont mind it. But I think its highly selfish for us to pass the buck to them to get our own lives back.

Sure its nice to leave the kids with parents once in while for a weekend or a quick trip alone. But not every day forever. When you have kids, learn to take responsibility for them completely. Our parents managed us without pawning us off to others, we should do the same. Hire a nanny, leave them at a creche/playschool, do whatever it takes, but please dont make your parents miserable. They have a life, a routine of their own which gets affected if they are stuck at home 24x7 looking after your kids. Let them live their sunset years in peace.

Children or puppets/circus animal?

What is it with parents and their sudden urge to make a spectacle out of their kids in front of other people? I pity those poor toddlers who are made to stand in front of random strangers sometimes, so their parents/grandparents can show off their talents - "beta show aunty your eyes, nose, fingers, tongue.... give flying kiss, say hi, say namaste, say bye.." The drama goes on.

Is it a competition for the kids? "My kid knows more than other kids, is more intelligent/better?" or for the parents? "See I'm such an amazing parent I've taught my kid stuff ahead of his/her age!" What do we gain by doing this? Build confidence in the kid to face the big bad world ahead in life full of competition? Or feel good about our own parenting skills?

Honestly I don't know about how much this helps building confidence. I just see kids being hassled into learning stuff they might not even understand, and performing for every person they come across whether they feel like or not, just like circus animals. And I see highly competitive women who jealously shove their kids into other people's faces to feel superior. I just don't get the point.

Sure, one should teach the kid as much about the world around from day one, but for the benefit of the child, not for showoff. When will parents understand that this whole peer pressure, competition they worry their children will face in the future, is propagated by them only since the beginning? If only we weren't so competitive and judge everyone by certain fixed standards, our children would truly have more room to grow freely.

One child rule in India: Solution to social ills or infringement of basic human rights?

The other day I was reading about the very sad state of women and children health in India when a thought occurred to me:

What if we stop poor, starving, uneducated, unemployed, undernourished people to have children? Or at least restrict them to having one child only a la China?

Urban, educated people these days are spending more time on education, career n other life goals. Reproducing a litter is not their priority. They are more rational n meticulous about family planning n have children only if they can afford to give them a good lifestyle. Many couples are opting for single child policy. And some, no child policy.

But the poor, uneducated people continue to reproduce at a crazy rate: having children after children while they can't properly bring up even one. Educating them about small family benefits isn't working. Giving them jobs or free education isnt working. Giving their children free health n education isnt helping. Empowering women n girl children isnt helping. We are still losing 2 million children and mothers every year.

Will a drastic rule on prohibition on having children if you cant afford them work, if there was a way to successfully implement it?

I know such a rule denies one the basic right to have as many children as one wants but being allowed that isn't working either, either for the individuals or the country. Something worth thinking, no?

Prenatal Classes: getting ready to be parents!

Another thing which is in vogue these days which was virtually unheard of a few years ago, is the firang concept of Prenatal Classes. The idea is to prepare to-be parents for pregnancy, birth and thereafter, through a series of topic based group sessions. Women can come alone or get their partners along, and learn in a classroom environment, with notes, videos, discussions and exercises. Not sure about the smaller cities, but these classes have surely become very popular with people in Delhi and Mumbai.

The reaction to these classes varies from "they are the best thing to have happened to me" to "what firang non sense, just a ploy to make money by fooling people". Personally I too was in two minds when faced with the option: these classes cost anywhere between 6-10k, and one needs to make sure they are worth it before opting for them. So are they worth it? Depends on what you think about preparation for parenthood. If you are confident and of the opinion it is no big deal, parenthood has been the same over the past few decades, and you will learn everything there is to know from your family, then better not to waste money. However for couples who don't have the wisdom of parents (live away from hometown or parents cant be there during pregnancy and later), or would like to know the challenges and scenarios in the modern world as far as the many experiences and decisions of pregnancy and childbirth are concerned, should really consider taking it up. Plus taking the class ensures that the father also gets involved, which is a typical complaint of women all over the world!

So if you do decide to go for these classes, what all do you get to learn? There are many aspects of the process which are covered in various classes. There are yoga classes where they teach you exercises to do during pregnancy and after childbirth, beneficial for both baby and mother. There are Lamaze classes which help prepare mothers for birth without intervention: through massages, breathing techniques, movements and positions favouring natural birth. There are birth preparation classes which talk about nutrition during pregnancy, vaginal birth stages, cesarean birth process, breastfeeding techniques, pre and post natal changes in the body etc. There are also spiritual and hypnobirthing classes which train women to bond with their babies through the womb, and prepare for childbirth and pain without resorting to medication, through meditation etc. Depending on the time and money you can spare you can choose some or all of these classes to attend. Some institutes may offer a combination of these classes so you can get more in a single package. Typically these classes are to be attended from 2nd trimester onwards. There are standalone programs offered by institutes or individuals, and your hospital where you  register may also have some plans.

Personally I would suggest taking atleast a combination birth preparation class like Rita Shah's Nine Months Program in Mumbai. It includes exercises, breathing techniques and elaborate notes on various aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and post natal experiences. The other "fancy" stuff like hypnobirthing, bonding through the womb, etc are optional. Prenatal classes are beneficial as not only do the instructors give you a present world perspective on the latest trends of nutrition, childbirth techniques, exercises and breathing; the classes also serve as a great place to meet similar minded pregnant women one can make friends with, compare notes on pregnancy and bond over babies. Even if you choose not to take any classes, you can always pick up a CD on prenatal Yoga, like that of Lara Dutta, which includes both exercises, breathing and meditation techniques. As for the birth preparation, it is always good to keep in touch with other expecting mothers, and any family members who may be able to coach you well through your journey. At the same time, do not go googling everything on the internet: sometimes overdose of information is more harmful than useful, and can confuse or scare you. Also do not go asking advice from everyone, as again people may have conflicting opinions which may not be consistent with scientific facts. As we all know, everyone in India is a doctor and an expert on everything, and always has free advice! :)

Nutrition during pregnancy : You are what you eat!

Much has been said about what should be eaten and when and how, and what not; during pregnancy. From new age ideas backed with scientific evidence, to age old dadi maa's nuskhas, there is so much to know, to follow, to be careful about. Many a times there are contrasting opinions on certain foods/drinks, or eating habits, which make a mommy-to-be very confused. I understand everyone from the doctors to the family mean well for the mothers, but following every bit of advice to the T is also not easy. Yes as a mom we want to ensure we consume the right stuff which is required and healthy for us and the baby, but sometimes we cant help but cheat on the rigorous routine to satisfy our cravings! :D

That said, planning out your meals, the content, the quantity, the timing, is very important. And there is no one template for all: every woman has different needs and reactions to food, and thus the diet should be followed accordingly. Couple of things to be kept in mind:

1. Consistent Weight gain:

It is total nonsense that once you get pregnant you need to eat for two. You need to eat only for yourself, but eat well and healthy so the baby gets all the nutrition it needs from you. Overeating especially in the first trimester will only lead to digestion issues and too much weight gain. In the first trimester ideally one gains little or no weight, in fact some even lose weight due to nausea/vomiting. In the second trimester one should put on maybe a kilo per month. Its only in the third trimester that one should pack in the pounds as by then the baby's development is complete and it's all about growing big. How much weight gain is ok? For a petite structured woman, 16-20 kgs is required. For an average weight woman, 11-16 kgs. For overweight moms, 7-11 kgs should be the aim.

2. Balanced diet as per your health:

Now as an individual you may like or dislike some foods, may or may not follow a "balanced diet". Once you get pregnant your priorities, including diet, have to change. Whether you like them or not, you would need to get your daily dose of fruits, veggies, milk, water, nuts etc. You may be advised to reduce salt intake to avoid swelling, or sugar intake to maintain baby's glucose levels. You may have to quit your favourite foods or eat/drink stuff you hate. Especially if you have a chronic condition like diabetes, hypertension etc like me, you will need to follow a strict diet to avoid any complications towards the end. Ask me, it has been difficult to manage the long list of Dos and Donts, but in the end it is all worth it. Just a matter of a few months for your baby, once its born you have more control on what you eat. More, not full, because then the advise for nursing diet starts: there is really no end to this actually! Haha!

3. Quality, Quantity, Timing:

Its very important to choose the right kind of calories to consume, in the right quantities and at the right time. All experts recommend going for six small meals rather than three big meals. So instead of your usual breakfast. lunch, dinner routine, it is better to go for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, evening snack, dinner, late night snack. Smaller quantities makes it easier for the body to digest the food, given the increasing pressure of the uterus on the stomach. Spaced out meals help with nausea, indigestion, gas/acidity etc. Equally important is to choose the right calories: substitute maida with whole wheat/multigrain bread, parathas with roti, white rice with brown rice, processed foods with fresh foods. Prefer to eat freshly cooked food and drink freshly squeezed juices over readymade, from the can/tin variety. While some doctors are against eating out at all during pregnancy, you can indulge once in a while in good food prepared hygienically in a good restaurant: given you're pregnant and not allowed medication, falling sick is not a good position to be in. Always prefer home cooked food made in minimum oil and masala to outside food.

This brings us to the next point of discussion: what are the main nutrients required, in what quantity and what foods/drinks can give them to me? Lets go one by one:

1. Calcium

Calcium as we all know is very important for the growth of the baby's bone structure. So even if you take enough calcium in your diet, your doctor will still make you have supplements. During pregnancy a minimum of 1200 mg of calcium is required, even more if you have an existing deficiency. Along with Calcium its also important to consume Vitamin D3 as it helps in the absorption of the same. Top sources for Calcium are all milk and milk products. Other sources include seeds like pumpkin, flaxseeds; beans like channa and rajma; almonds, oranges, bananas in fruits and nuts; in vegetables methi and drumsticks. Those who have lactose intolerance can go for home made curd, paneer, buttermilk; and soya milk.

2. Iron

Iron and folic acid are again the most important nutrients that a pregnant woman must consume. Pregnant women need a healthy hemoglobin level to sustain themselves during pregnancy  and a steady supply of folic acid ensures there are no neuro tube defects in the baby. In addition, DHA vitamins help with baby's brain development. Again no matter how healthy you are and how much of all this you get in your diet, your doctor will insist on a supplemental pill to fulfil your requirements. Apart from the pills, you can get your daily fix of iron from all green and leafy vegetables and peas, exceptions being beetroot and tomato which are red but have ample amount of iron. Apart from nuts, a lot of fruits are also iron rich: apples, pomegranate to name a few. In non vegetarian food, red meat and sea food are rich sources. Having Vitamin C rich fruits and juices helps with good absorption of iron. On the other hand never consume iron and calcium tablets together as they interfere with each other.

3. Vitamins

While Vitamins A, E, K are also required by the body, apart from Vitamin D that one has along with calcium, the most important Vitamins required during pregnancy are Vitamins B complex and C. Vitamin C is required for a lot of metabolic processes for mom and baby and since it cant be stored, one needs a fresh supple daily of the same. Most requirements can be fulfilled through diet, but if needed, supplements can be taken. Vitamin B complex has a lot of vitamins in the family and all requirements may not be fulfilled through diet so in most cases doctors suggest going for a Vit B complex supplement. Some rich sources of vitamins are: citrus fruits and juices, green and yellow fruits and vegetables and their juices. The more colourful your food and drinks, the better. However, remember a lot of nutrients from fruits and veggies are lost during cooking, so have enough raw fruits and salads as well.

4. Proteins

Proteins are probably the most important requirement for a baby to grow. The amount of protein the mother consumes directly affects the physical growth of the baby. Many calcium rich products are good sources of proteins as well. The best sources of proteins are: all dairy products, seafood, red and white meat. For vegetarians, beans, peas, lentils are good sources, along with whole grains and nuts, sprouts and roasted channa. Vegetarians may have trouble in getting enough proteins from their diet as animal proteins are superior and better absorbed by human body than plant proteins, so they may have to make more efforts in their diet or take protein powders if insufficient.

5. Fibre

During pregnancy, due to hormonal changes, many women face constipation. Since pregnant women cant have a lot of medicines, including fibre in food is very important. Substitute Maida with whole wheat as much as possible. Add whole grains like jowar, bajra, etc which are fibrous and nutritious and fulfilling as they have complex carbohydrates. Oats, muesli, dates, prunes and figs, are very good sources of fibre. When eating fruits, don't remove the outer skin. In vegetables, cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli are very good.

6. Carbohydrates and Fats

Carbohydrates and fat give you the energy which is required to maintain the levels of metabolism during pregnancy. Most of your grains, beans, protein consumption will also make up for your carbohydrate and fat requirement. However the trick is to get the right kind of carbs and fat. Go for whole grain over refined carbs, brown rice over white, wholewheat over regular pasta/pizza, olive oil over ghee, margarine over butter, etc. The idea is to get energy but also not pile on those pounds too quickly, as after the baby it will be a challenge to get rid of them!

7. Fluids

Last but definitely not the least, pregnant women need to keep themselves hydrated sufficiently. Apart from keeping the body healthy, toxin free, keeping the skin clear, helping with digestion; it also aids in production of amniotic fluid which is essential for the baby. Adequate fluids also ensures no swelling or UTIs. Usually we are in airconditioned environment at work or home and do not end up drinking much water, but during pregnancy one must force themselves to drink at least 2 litres. Not all fluid has to come from plain water: mix it with lemon, syrups; or have milk, juices, coconut water, soups etc for variety. Good helpings of fresh vegetables and fruits also provides fluids.

That's it? Oh no. How can a lesson on eating habits be complete without a list of Donts!

• avoid unpasteurized milk products and soft cheese
• avoid raw papayas and pineapples
• avoid raw eggs and seafood and meat
• avoid food cooked and kept for more than a day
• avoid herbal teas and sugar substitutes
• avoid raw veggies, fruits, sprouts from outside
• avoid coffee, tea and caffeine rich drinks, and chocolate
• consume salt and sugar in moderation
• OBVIOUSLY NO DRINKING, SMOKING, DRUGS

Well that brings us to the end of the long lecture on nutrition. There is so much to have and also to avoid. So many conflicting opinions. My suggestion: eat what you like, in moderation, and if in doubt just say no. Do your best but dont get stressed about getting the right amount of everything or eating something wrong. Our bodies are miraculously built to manage us as well as our babies, and nature knows how to make do best with whatever we give ourselves. Have faith in yourself and whatever you eat or drink, think of the baby. Your baby will tell you what is right! :)